WHAT ABOUT DAD?


Decades ago, Bumstead in the cartoon Blondie, started the jokes about dear, old, bumbling, Dad. It would still be funny but some folks now take it as a comment on modern family life.

This coincides with Mom taking on two jobs. The focus has turned to Mom and the heavy load she has. In the process, Dad seems to be losing his muscle.

Most Dads today are very pleased to share the load of family breadwinner. They are also glad to lose the label of “Family Boss”. They know that teamwork works best.

There is a snag in all this. With all the attention on Mom, kids can get warped views of men and women. Both girls and boys continue to need to see Dads as strong and brave - doing guy things. They will enter their later adult relationships holding family views of adult roles.

In the old days, the dominant male style wasn’t the best for children. Now, any dominant female styles will also do kids a disservice.

So, this comes down to the old story. Mom and Dad must make sure they have their act and their signals straight to do the best job for the kids. This is true regardless of family structure or orientations.

Wars between Mom and Dad are the world’s most damaging experiences for children. In wars, nobody is right. In wars, nobody wins.

Let’s hear from you on this FAMILY CHALLENGE.

IF MAMA AIN’T HAPPY - AIN’T NOBODY HAPPY!

This great saying may not sit well with some women. It suggests that:

• Family is down when Mama is down
• Everybody is tense when Mama is tense
• Family is grumpy when Mama is grumpy
• Things only go well when Mama is OK
  
  

Today’s Mamas have every right to say:

• “Enough is enough”
• “I’m already doing three jobs”
• “Who’s looking out for me?”
  

If the saying is true, then each Mama should:

• Accept the fact she shapes family moods
• Remember that raising kids is job One
• Ensure her mate shares the load
• Look after her life for today
  

This isn’t just Mama’s challenge, this is a FAMILY CHALLENGE!

DEAR MOM - TAKE A BREATH - FOR THE KIDS

The Old Family Story

• Dad too busy at work
• No energy at home for the kids
• Little boys missed guy time with Dad
• Little girls missed their time with Dad
  

The New Story is Very Different

• Mom works at work, home, marriage - tries to run too fast
• When Mom’s strung out, the family is strung out
• Shift work doesn’t work for kids who need continuity
• Kids are left with more freedom than they can handle
  

Overstressed Parents Are Trying to Raise Kids

• Community kid culture brings questionable values
• Kids run the schools - police patrol for drugs, like the street
• Churches have lost their grip on family life
• Business and government peddle their products and programs
  

What About the Family?

• Needs to regroup, get a grip and take control of family life
• Need to regain focus on the big job - raising kids
• Shift priorities from goodies to wellness
• Kids need to hear and feel parent values and beliefs
  

What About Mom?

• Take a breath and put family first
• Dad and kids need to stand up to the plates, rugs, money
• Mom needs to discover her new role in a working family
• Time for Mom to set a new family

How is your family meeting this FAMILY CHALLENGE?

DEAR MOM - TIME TO TAKE A BREATH - FOR THE FAMILY

In our day, Moms are trying to do two or more jobs - well. By her taking a breath, Dad, the kids and the grandparents can share in the heavy lifting.Betsey Hart, Chicago radio station WYLL says “If Dads are there at all, it’s SuperMom handling everything”.

Look what’s happening to Mom and Dad:

• The sheriff leading the charge down Main Street is a lady
• The press plays up bad Dad deserting the family
• Moms must now compete with Dads in the muscle fitness world
• Press jokes about Dads outnumber Mom jokes 10 to 1
  

Looks What’s Happening to the Family

• The full-time homemaker is replaced by part-time homemakers
• Family life is a rat race much like the community
• No time to get together
• Relationships get and stay frayed in all the hustle
• Grandparents mostly out of the family loop
• Use of anxiety medications skyrocketing
• Families try getting all their solutions from the community

What’s Driving this Family Imbalance?

• Businesses that target individuals - particularly women
• Governments promoting individual rights instead of family rights
• Media dish out extreme examples of lousy family life
• Groups claim conspiracies against women
  

How to Correct All This Family Fragmentation

• Parents need to get together and take control of family life
• Material goals need to be lowered to be within reason
• Reinvent regular family time for fun, sharing, decisions, prayer

Take a breath and meet this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

THE FAMILY IN AN AGE OF PERIL

The family has the world’s most important job: the well-being and nurturing of children. Our society’s big forces seem intent on controlling our family rather than supporting it. How can the family marshal its strengths to get the big job done well? How can the family withstand the controlling community powers?

Job one for the family is child nurturing and marital harmony. This means responsibility for health, faith, learning, careers and primary relationships. Sounds nearly impossible. In fact there is no other candidate for this job.

Arrayed against the family are powerful community forces working to control the family. Business strives to sell its products. Governments want to influence our behaviour and our votes. The health care systems prescribe drugs. Schools tell us how to educate our kids. Churches tell us what is right and what is wrong. The banks tell us what to do with our money. The media want to shock us into buying what their advertisers sell.

Each of these big community systems has its own focus with huge resources to sell their ways.

How does the family cope in the face of such powerful influences? It faces two dimensions - the challenges inside and outside the family. The inside is always the tougher one.

The family needs to do what all the big forces do - find their unique mission focus. In sum, the family mission is wellness. Wellness has at least six key dimensions including fitness, learning, relationships, jobs and faith. The power base of each family is its blend of wellness dimensions.

The family needs to develop its inner strength before trying to deal with all the community forces exerting control. Family empowerment comes first from family wellness focus.

Next there is the challenge from all these controlling community forces. In our age, where does one find a power base? Happily the computer can become a major family wellness tool. How?

Knowledge is power. When the family organizes itself on its wellness base, it suddenly has power and leverage with big systems. The family can develop its own knowledge system on its own computer.

Then what can happen?

• Families can use their new medical information to dialogue with doctors about the best medication.
• Families can discuss with teachers their specific educational goals for their children.
• Families can keep the only up-to-date family health and school records.
• Families can set their own improvement goals for their relationships.
• Families make clear for themselves their unique wellness mission.
• Families can explain to clergy their spiritual needs.

The perils facing the families are clear. Now the family wellness ways must become equally clear – the computer is waiting to do that job. Tell us how your family is doing with this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

JOINING SHAPES OUR FAMILIES


What is this all about? The proposition is this: Just as our words and language create human communication, so joining creates our families.

We are steadily learning that there is a big difference between hearing and listening. Now we are learning that this thing called “Joining” actually shapes our families.

To get at this let’s look at three levels of human communication: chatting, conversation and joining.

Most of us have lots of chat. We cover the world’s weather, national crises and Aunt Edna’s rheumatism. We can have a lot of chatting without much connection from all the talking. We fill our world with words either within the family, with others or from all the media. Shakespeare’s line is “Sound and fury signifying nothing”.

At the conversation level, things are different – talking, hearing and listening really happen. When the other person talks, I not only hear but I listen - which means I let his/her talk sink in. So at this level, in a conversation, there can be both hearing and listening - creating understanding between persons.

The claim here is that “joining” actually creates families. To better understand this, we had better see what “joining” really means. The word suggests one person actually joins the space of another. If I say to you “I’m having a lousy day”, you actually start to feel with me my lousy day. Even more importantly, if you respond with something like “I thought you looked a little down today”, that tells me you are with me.

What just happened here? One person left his own self concerns to move into the world of another. That is a very big deal. Why? Because two people forged a link. Relationships are built when two individuals join with each other by sharing what they are thinking and feeling - both ways.

Families are where our lives are intimately linked. The members are part of each other. Joining is how all this happens.

HOW TO GET WELLNESS HELP FROM THE COMMUNITY

If we are worried about our wellness, our first instinct is to find help in the community. There are several problems with that. First, we need a clear picture of what makes us well. As we all know, wellness comes from a combination of diet, exercise, learning, praying, good relationships etc. Therefore we need some idea of what we need most.

So before we ask for help, we must decide what we need.

Next, we need a view of the community helpers. They are to be found in silos. For example, each church is a silo. Its walls are made up of beliefs, procedures and budgets. The silo is led by a particular profession. These silos are like the family - no time, too busy.

So when we knock on a silo door we find good folks who know quite a bit about one aspect of wellness. Churches aren’t experts in diet, exercise etc. They don’t have a full view of wellness and certainly not our wellness.

There are a number of big helping silos - health, education, social services and justice. Each with their walls and dominant professions - doctors in healthcare, lawyers in justice, etc.

The big community helping problem is that the big players have neither the time nor the ability to guide towards wellness - because wellness is the right combination of things for each individual. Only the family can do that.

So, a family looking for wellness help in the community must first be clear what wellness is needed. Then it can benefit from the right community agencies.

Part of the FAMILY CHALLENGE is finding what wellness your family needs. Do you know?