Eye on the Family

2011-12-16T12:15:00.000-05:00

WHY ILLNESS IS RUNNIING AHEAD OF WELLNESS?

There is a simple, huge fact. Illness is about fixing problems. Wellness is about preventing problems and in some cases, easing problems.

Our budgets tell the story. Most money goes into specialized medicine: least money into prevention.

There is confusion about illness and wellness because they are in different worlds. The professionals help solve the current health problems; Families are responsible for their own wellness – long term.

We all need to realize that problem-solving doesn’t lead to wellness – it only gets us back to where we were. Wellness comes from a different world.

Wellness does two great things. It often prevents illness. In other cases it eases treatment and recovery.

Families have been used to going to the professionals for help. Today’s professionals are not trained in family-based wellness.

Something has got to change. Families need to refocus on their own wellness. Professionals need to learn the ways of helping families achieve wellness.

The big question is: “Who is going to pick up this big ball?” So far, no candidates in sight.

Where is your family on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE? Let's hear from you.

2011-12-01T09:26:00.000-05:00

THE "BIG IFS" OF FAMILY WELLNESS

The "What Ifs"

What if - Family wellness prevents, and sometimes, eases illness? Fixing problems does not produce wellness. Wellness comes from within the family - not from the absence of problems. Wellness and illness are in two different worlds.

What if – Family wellness comes from within the wider family? Wellness traits flow, silently and randomly, from the older to the younger generations.

What if – Family wellness comes in the shape of a Rainbow, with six ingredients that families work to find balance? One thing, like fitness alone, doesn’t make it.

Some Big Results from the "What Ifs"

The family must recapture its holistic vision of the wider family. That family is responsible for the wellness of their children. Community professionals can advise but can’t substitute for the family. Only families can care for their own 24/7.

The health and human services will experience huge changes. In health care with 30% of families using the Wellness Rainbow, 15% of the most specialized services can be replaced by wellness services to families. The costs of 100 families in intensive care will serve 1,000 families for wellness support.

The denominations are shrinking fast. The Christian churches have lost the vision of the founders. To regain the vision, the churches need to retool to focus on the wider family instead of their interest being limited to the individual.

Education is the popular investment by families for their children. By education alone, our children won’t find their own wellness.

2011-11-17T09:35:00.000-05:00

WELLNESS – THE FAMILY’S HIDDEN TREASURE

What is more important than the character of our children and our grandchildren?

Next big question is: “How does it happen?” We try to be good examples. We teach them what we can. We give them good opportunities - like reading. We know that love is really big and that they need some rules.

Does that get it? The answer is: So far so good, but all this doesn’t go far enough. Then what does? Try this:

Let me think of one feature in my character which I prize. Let’s say it is “fairness with others”. Now let’s scan the horizons of my family to find that particular person who is really fair in his/her dealings.

The big lesson here for family wellness is that the important character traits flow down from the older members of the family to the present generation of kids and grandkids.

How does this happen? Mostly silently. A child sees his grandmother pray at bedside at night. Nothing has been said. The child already knows that his grandma is a good person. Onto his screen comes the vision of her praying. That vision can easily last a lifetime for that child. It can be a big influence as the child grows to face the questions of faith.

In this view, character traits flow from the older to the younger generations – silently. This process can not be programmed. It happens through the bonds of family life.

The big lesson here? What matters is that nurturing of children comes from their experience of the lives of other family members. This means that parents who want the best for their kids must tend to their own lifestyles first. It also means that grandparents, aunts and uncles can have major influences on the child’s character from the strengths in their own characters.

The other big thing is that the character development of children depends much more on what we are than about what we say. Children have X-ray vision that sees through to the very core of their adults. Their wellness depends on our wellness.

Goal for Today: We ensure that our children have good access to the other family members.

2011-11-01T11:21:00.000-04:00

OUR FAMILY: A VICTIM IN OUR CHANGING SOCIETY?

Here are the big trends that impact the family:

Declining living standards from debt loads
Epidemics like anxiety, obesity, etc
Misuse of prescription and illegal drugs
Rapidly changing values and beliefs
Domestic and imported violence and terror
Government intrusion into family life
Press focus on the ugly extremes

If this is true, families need a renewed focus on Wellness. The Family Wellness Rainbow is one good way!

To see the Family Wellness Rainbow go to: www.familycybermall.org

2011-10-17T09:20:00.000-04:00

FAMILY WELLNESS - OUR HIDDEN TREASURE

A Clinician’s Viewpoint

Why do most drivers drive safely? Because there is a law? Not likely. They do so because it is in their character. How did it get there? That is the big wellness question.

Another example: I love the great songs. I do my best to play them on my piano. The richness of music is one of the vital gems in my life. How did it get in me?

So, now I search for the hidden wellness treasure. My parents and grandparents showed little interest in music. No one played an instrument. Yet, as a teenager I started to teach myself to play the piano. Since then, music has been a big part of my life. Where did this come from?

There was an uncle who played the piano. I would watch as he played the great old songs from sheet music. We never talked about music. My love of music was sown there. Nobody in the family thought about this vital event. It was wellness well hidden.

We each can check this out. All we do is ask ourselves what is really important in my life. For each one, we do a family background check. Who in my greater family has this important life feature? To whom am I indebted?

When we do this we find at least four big parts of our life with direct connection to a parent, grandparent, uncle or aunt. We have put our fingers on the key elements in our life. We have also seen how these gifts have silently, and usually unnoticed, flowed from a family member to me. I have discovered the hidden wellness treasure.

This however, is not the biggest part of the story. The bigger deal is that I now know that the character of our children flows from us and our parents and older generations.

This is where the mud hits the wall. We are responsible for the raising of our kids and grandkids but we haven’t been aware of how it happens. We have read the child care books. Wellness doesn’t come from books. It comes from family life. The real wellness is not street stuff; it is soul stuff. Are we fit for the job?

So what do we do to ensure wellness for our kids and grandkids? First we take stock of the big character traits we have. Is that enough? Then, we need to check all our relatives for their wellness gems.

Enter the Family Wellness Rainbow. It gives a good picture of the full scope of family wellness. That tells us how we are doing. It also tells us where we need work.

As each family searches for its hidden treasures it learns more about how the larger family really works. Using the Rainbow, the family can then get to work where there are gaps in their wellness for their children.

See the Family Wellness Rainbow at www.familycybermall.org and use it for your family’s wellness needs.

2011-10-04T09:03:00.002-04:00

WHO IS HELPING FAMILIES WITH THEIR WELLNESS?

A Clinician's Viewpoint

At last count, every family has at least 12 different services all targeted on one element of family wellness:

Schools, Law Enforcement, Banks, Businesses, Governments,

Churches, Agencies, Hospitals, Clubs, Internet, Libraries, Media

How can Joe the plumber find who can help his family's wellness?

Which agency can help him find a wellness balance that is best for his family?

The obvious answer is hardly anybody.  Why?  Because each service is in its own legal, financial and professional specialized world. These good folks are already too busy struggling with waiting lists and money pressures.

Instead of competing for local funding, these organizations must find new ways to combine their services so that Joe gets help with his family's wellness.

In the end only Joe and his family can figure out what is best for them.   Now they are isolated from the wellness help they need.   More of the specialties can't do the job.  Hopefully some of these organizations will see Joe's family wellness need and shift gears beyond their present specialty.

It would be great for Joe and his family if some community agencies came to an agreement on the combination that makes for wellness.   Could they even turn to the Family Wellness Rainbow as one model?

Why not use the Family Wellness Rainbow model yourself as your guide for your family's wellness needs.  See the Family Wellness Rainbow model at:   www.familycybermall.org.

2011-09-20T17:41:00.000-04:00

ARE FUN AND WORK A BIG PROBLEM?

This is a big question in our world.

Our society seems intent on finding fun, in whatever form. If this is where we are headed, sorry to report that the incidence of mental health problems in children has doubled in the last 50 years.

It has been a common goal to work hard for retirement to have fun. The problem here is that retirement itself is retiring. Those who are retired find themselves working harder than ever.

So does this mean no fun? Not if we have the right attitude towards work. Many will say that the most important satisfactions come from work. Maybe fun is a fantasy that lures us away from work with nothing to show for it.

Fun might just be like happiness. If you go for it you don’t get it. But if you do the right things, fun comes as a perk which cannot be planned.

This line of thought is true in the faith. We grow in the faith through caring, serving and praying. Faith does not come easy or easily. It takes work.

The Family Wellness Rainbow shows us where we need to do some work.

Let’s here from you on this FAMILY CHALLENGE!

2011-09-06T08:58:00.000-04:00

WHERE WE AND OUR WELLNESS BELONG

There are only two authentic groups. The one is the fellowship with God. The other is the family – natural or blended. All other groups are manufactured by us, therefore prone to troubles.

Look what has happened to our self-made groupings recently.
Our neighbour is now online, not next door.
Our faith group has become a denomination or sect.
We’ve gone from family doctor to the clinic.
The corner store has been replaced by the mall.
Our news is now manufactured in the television studios.

Ours is an age of specialized organization. Each has its own mission, unique profession, service and financial values. The folks in these organizations must now play by the system rules.

Wellness of the whole person has become the sole job of the family and the faith group. From them must come the caring, motivation, guidance, values and right choices.

For help with the wellness job please see: www.familycybermall.org

2011-08-17T05:58:00.001-04:00

WELLNESS AND OUR MENTAL HEALTH

We are all interested in our mental health even though we’re not always sure how we are doing.

We mostly know about anxiety and some of us know about depression. Many less know how deep and difficult these conditions can be.

On the medical side, our best help comes from medications. But it is often difficult to get the right medication because each person is different.

We need to know that the experts are divided on the big question of nature vs. nurture - did we inherent it or did we catch it? So some professionals rely on medication; others rely on day to day living.

On the wellness side, there is lots we can do - ordinary things like exercise, diet, study, work, prayer and connecting well with others.

Most of us have some sort of mental health challenge - it might be as simple as being a bit too negative. The tricky part of mental health is that we are often the last person to recognize our problem.

This is where the family and small groups do their good work. In an atmosphere of acceptance, we can allow ourselves to hear messages that are not always comfortable.

One of the best clues to any mental health and attitude problem is to check out what most bothers us in others. That is usually a hot tip.

The moral of this story is that on most days we should rely on the simple, good things we can do for our mental health.

Wellness pays.

Let’s hear your views on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE!

2011-08-02T07:24:00.000-04:00

SAFEGUARDING OUR CHILDREN: FROM CHEATING

U.S News recently reported that 40% of college students admitted cheating on exams. While some of that will be smart talk that big number tells us something is not right.

The temptations in college are great but well grounded kids don’t cheat. And, we know that well-grounding begins at home.

So what at home could shake the grounding? Here is a short list:

Excuses when late from work
Fiddling on our taxes
15 clicks over the speed limit
Half truths - like “I just had one beer”
“Not my fault - He caused the accident”
“The devil made me do it”

Our problem is that young children have X-ray vision and supersonic hearing. They often know what’s going on more than we parents do. We have learned from long experience how to fog things. In fact we get to the point where we no longer see our own fogs.

How do we safeguard our children? We need some practice to defog:

Daily goals clear the air and focus on good things
Find one OOPS you know you can change now
Make a deal with the mate to check up each other regularly
Watch others to see how straight they can be

Do this for a while and suddenly an issue will come up from one of the children. “Are you getting sticky because you are getting old?”

This is a chance to be straight. Like “Son, I realized that sometimes I was being less than honest”.

It will take a few such exchanges before the kids start to believe it.

Not a bad goal: “Today I will start to fix one OOPS”

If we are not careful, cheating can get seriously nasty!

Let’s hear your views on this FAMILY CHALLENGE!

2011-07-18T10:06:00.000-04:00

BOOMERS - WAKE UP, YOUR ALARM IS RINGING!

The Boomers are the generation who brought us our social philosophy - “Do your own Thing”.

In the space of one generation we turned our backs on the wisdom of our parents, on the authority of schools and on the relevance of the churches. Thanks to them we are now a materialistic, amoral and godless society - getting more so every day.

The essence of the philosophy is that I, an individual, am able to make better life judgments than the family, school and church which were our social foundations.

To help along this belief are both governments and businesses. Governments want our votes so they package up fancy “individual rights” (plus regulations). Businesses target individuals to sell us every possible item to make us successful.

The big problem is that the “Do your own thing” philosophy is directly opposed to the philosophy that says “It takes a tribe to raise a child”. Our addiction to individual freedom is shredding families as each person does his/her own thing.

The Boomers are quick to say we are giving our children the freedom to make their own social, moral and spiritual choices. The problem with that is they are not being given the options. The social, moral and spiritual lessons are not learned in school or from books. They come from their family and community experiences. These are the essentials children now do not have.

It is a tough, nasty and selfish world out there. Our children and grandchildren are being tossed into that world without the survival skills.

SO WHAT? It’s back to the family. The Boomers need to rediscover the family and rebuild it with all the players of all ages. That does a number of good things. It provides security for each person. It shares the wisdom and experience of those who have been there. It provides a personal identity, saving them from unhealthy identities offered by our unwell society.

Share with us your family’s methods of passing along wisdom and experience with this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2011-07-04T07:16:00.000-04:00

IS OUR FAMILY HAPPY?

Most people most of the time are not happy, that however doesn’t mean most are depressed. It does means that there is a lot of living between happiness and depression.

When we start a day we are hopeful, maybe optimistic but also a bit concerned. So each family member starts the day somewhere between happiness and depression. Family happiness depends upon how each individual is feeling. That would seem to lower the odds for family happiness today.

All this is good or bad depending on how much importance we place on happiness. There is a good chance that happiness has been oversold as a life goal - which means there’s something greater. There is. There is satisfaction, joy, love, accomplishment, positive attitude, health, optimism and so on.

So what happened to happiness? It didn’t disappear; it just found its place. That place is as a by-product of the many good things in life. It is the icing on the cake which comes from baking a good cake in the first place.

When we want our family happy, all this means is that it can’t be bought in a bottle or a tube or a magic formula. Happiness is a gift that comes, not a goal that can be achieved.

Is our family happy? There is a good chance if the family:

Shares together

                Works together

                                Plays together

                                                Helps others together

                                                                Prays together

                                                                                Grows together

Happiness is like most family benefits - is a gift which comes and goes like magic - always surprising and always wonderful.

2011-06-15T12:46:00.000-04:00

HOW IS GRANDDAD DOING?

The Senior who Could Lose His Citizenship.

Granddad has a problem. It is not a pretty picture.

In earlier days he had two jobs. One was to work so that the family had bread on the table. The other, he was in charge of big things like houses, cars, trips and kids’ education.

Now, his two big jobs are done. He may be left without a purpose. Being old without a purpose is both bad and dangerous. We see some granddads sweeping the driveway and tinkering with jobs that aren’t essential. This is a tragedy for a person with skills, experience and a desire to be useful.

His life is made worse by all the changes. In his old world the church, school and family worked together. Now they largely ignore each other. He is blinded by the pace of life. He is appalled at the “Me” generation that wants everything now and charges to get it.

He is particularly upset by the lack of gratitude of the younger generation. It is not just what he did for them. It is what our society has done for them. How many of the young families realize thousands of Canadians died in WWII to protect our way of life? Eastern societies revere the elderly. In Western society, they are in many ways a liability.

Nor is there an appreciation of what old age is like. Maybe they don’t want to know. For instance, old age means forgetfulness, chills in warm weather, a body that is steadily changing, lack of energy to do the ordinary things and lots more medical attention and medications.

There can be a good side to old age despite all this gloom. Here are some of granddad’s good options:

He can extend his skills and experience in a hobby or part time job
He can be part of a club: social, books, curling, golf gardening
He can be part of a faith community which meets, prays and serves
He can take up a regular exercise routine and watch his diet
He can study, take a course, work the internet, write papers

Hopefully his loved ones will encourage him to stay positive. They want him to be healthy and fun to be with. And, they should keep in touch to support and encourage.

We want to hear from you on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2011-06-01T09:04:00.000-04:00

IS OUR FAMILY SPIRITUAL?

Despite great world-wide confusion, the family spiritual issue is quite simple:

What’s it all about? That’s the question.

With all the possible different answers, each family faces the same question.

Can you imagine parents trying to raise their children without looking at that fundamental question? Yes, because it is happening. The spiritual questions are too confusing, so let’s leave it till later when we may need it.

Can you imagine turning kids loose in this mixed up world to find their own answer to the big spiritual question? Sure we can, if we forget kids look to us to see our answers so they have somewhere to start.

At the very least, kids need to know the spiritual choices. Parents need to know and share what the big religions say about our choices. There are four big ones:

    1. Do I want to become better?

    2. What do I believe – God? Fate? Luck? Prayer? Goodness?

    3. Do I have a spiritual home or group? (Can’t get there alone)

    4. Am I here to help others?

The many millions who have followed one of the great religions have learned that spirituality requires answers to all of these big choices.

So, is my family spiritual? The answer is “Yes”, if the members are actively helping each other with the four big spiritual questions.

Have a comment to add to this FAMILY CHALLENGE? Click on the “comment” button found below and let’s hear from you!

2011-05-16T09:28:00.000-04:00

OUR THIRD CLASS FAMILIES

Those of us older folks can remember when we found comfort in government looking out for us. We got all sorts of entitlements which assured us of help.

Only later did we begin to see that all this government goodness came at high costs. The budgets got out of hand. Worse still, we found ourselves being regulated how and how much we can have government goodies.

Now, we find our families in a different class from government. We no longer trust the government leaders to tell the truth. Rather we see they are more interested in their powers and prestige than the welfare of our families. We, and our families, have become a lower class.

At the same time, we have gained a new view of business. We once relied on the company for steady work and pensions that would be there when we needed them. Just like the government leaders, the business leaders are clear about their goals - power and profit. When the chips are down, the employee comes later, if at all.

It is good for families to see things clearly. Beyond government and business, we are third class. Once we see this, we can realistically figure out how to do our own unique job - raising kids in the security of the family.

Our new vision requires us to plan family well-being on its own strengths, of which there are many:

The family is the cornerstone of our society
Only the family can raise kids - it’s a 24/7 task
The power of the family stems from its roots and relationships
It is the customer of business and the voter of governments
With the computer, the family can deal with the big data systems
It can partner with community professionals for the help its needs

Fortunately, there are new efforts to build family wellness. One such effort is the Family Wellness Rainbow. It sets out six essentials for wellness and shows short steps to make progress.

To check out the Family Wellness Rainbow, please see: www.familycybermall.org

2011-05-02T07:15:00.000-04:00

THE FAMILY PARTNERSHIP

Do words matter? Poets say words have power. Let’s see if “partnership” has power that applies to the family.

If a family says it is a partnership, it is laying claim to a very special nature. It is saying that:

Our family comes first - even before its individual members.
In our family, everybody plays, everybody wins and each has and plays a part.
Partnership highlights relationships whose focus is bigger and better than a focus on any one man, woman, child, teen or senior.
Each person wins because he is vitally important to all.

There is a peril in partnerships. They can become lopsided when some carry the load and others have a free ride. That destroys partnerships and hurts.

So, in a sound family partnership, everybody counts, has a say and does his/her share. The members take responsibility and work together.

In partnerships, everybody is not equal. There are senior partners and junior partners. Senior partners have more responsibility. Junior partners have less say for now. However, in good partnerships, junior partners learn how to be senior partners who then in turn bring along new junior partners.

We all have had experiences with partnerships - at work or in the community. Making a partnership work at home is probably a bigger challenge with much bigger benefits for all.

Let’s hear your thoughts on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE, click on the “comment” button found below to share your thoughts.

2011-04-15T06:41:00.001-04:00

OUR FAMILY'S GREAT STRENGTHS

These are troubled times for families. Jobs are scarce. The pace is too hectic. The media look vulgar. Fewer attend church. Schools have drugs

Parents have the world's toughest job - raising kids. It's time to remind ourselves of our family strengths:

Family roots are deep and powerful despite problems
Family spending and saving control the economy
Politicians still rely on getting the vote
Media ratings are controlled by family members
Families are still in charge, not schools nor courts

In these troubled times, families are nearly alone in their wellness efforts. That is the big reason for the Family Cybermall and Family Wellness, Now!

These are resources families can now use for the well-being of their children, parents and grandparents.

Please see: www.familycybermall.org.

"The Family is One of Nature's Masterpieces" - George Santayana

2011-04-01T06:23:00.000-04:00

THE FAMILY BUSINESS

Not so long ago, the family business was the farm, the shop or the store. It was more than a business. It was a major family bond where members worked together. The income is what sustained the family. Money was working to preserve family cohesion.

Now business and money separates family members. Parents go to their own jobs – for most today that keeps them very busy. Children go to school where success means good jobs and money. All this are combining to fragment the family.

The old family business had a bigger job than money. There, the rules and values of life were shared in their daily relationships. Now those rules and values come more from the school and the jobs. This makes fragmentation much more serious.

So what is the business of the family? Its job is to raise kids and provide a safe place for relationships that build character and prepare the members for a good life. That preparation includes discerning what is healthy and what is not. Today’s environment gives plenty of examples of both.

The experts in strategic planning know that when there is a complex muddle, one clear, practical goal can make a success and clear away a lot of fog. How would our daily family problems look if we were targeted on getting kids ready to be parents? If we were clear about our main purpose, our problems would look smaller and very different. In fact, we could use them as practice for parenthood.

The Family Cybermall, www.familycybermall.org, and its New Hope Covenant are designed to help families decide what their real business must be.

Does your family know what their business is? Tell us about this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2011-03-16T09:40:00.000-04:00

ANXIETY AND THE SQUEAKY DOOR

A Clinician’s Viewpoint

Most of us have a door that squeak. The cure is often sandpaper or the plane. Once fixed, we are good for a year then its back. Then we go through the same routine.

The squeak could be caused by the whole building settling. Why would it shift? Water around the foundations could do it. The solution then could be some tile work to drain the water.

For a house foundation to be firm it needs a good slab, tile drains, solid walls, waterproofing and solid base of soil and sand. Houses built like that are less likely to have squeaky doors that keep returning.

This is the story of our own wellness and anxiety. Our foundation must have the essentials. The Wellness Rainbow says there are six: Health, Relationships, Knowledge, Family Roots, Values and Faith. Our chances of chronic anxiety go way down with such a solid foundation.

If we ignore our foundation, we do what we are now doing. When there is a squeak, we go for a quick fix - like some drug. Like the door, this is not really a fix. It is a band aid that lasts only a short while.

The trouble with band aids and drugs is that they can become habitual. Or, they can have bad side effects. In the case of the door, it loses its shape. In our case, we can end up with stomach, sleep or concentration problems.

Sound mental health comes from a solid foundation. On that base, when problems occur, wellness will see us through even if medication is needed.

For more information on the Family Wellness Rainbow please see: www.familycybermall.org.

2011-03-01T11:35:00.001-05:00

THE GREAT STRENGTHS OF THE FAMILY

This blog talks a lot about the fragmentation of the family. However, despite the great pressures on family life, the family has within itself huge resources.

Here are the big ones

Family bonds are very powerful despite disputes and differences
The family has a great heritage in its own culture and roots
Family members with their spending control the economy
Politicians vie for the vote of family members
Media ratings are controlled by the family members
Despite schools and courts, the family has the controls of its children

Recently, The Markham Institute introduced a free presentation based on THE FAMILY CHALLENGE. The Eye on the Family Presentation shows the impact of the fragmenting forces of business, governments, media and community agencies. It reminds families of their great strengths. Then it outlines three ways families can strengthen themselves. Two of these ways take advantage of the internet.

The Eye on the Family presentation is available along with presenter notes. If you are interested in viewing or finding out more information on this presentation, send an email to info@newhopecovenants.org requesting a free copy. Of course, we continue to be interested in hearing your comments on THE FAMILY CHALLENGE, just click on the comment button below to add your views.

2011-02-17T06:32:00.010-05:00

FAMILY WELLNESS, HAPPINESS AND MONEY

- A Clinician’s Viewpoint

Ours is money world. Governments want our money to offer us services and run things. Business wants our money from sales of goods to make a profit. The professionals want money to share their skills with us. The media want money to deliver news and entertainment.

So the family knocks itself out to get money for all the goodies that the governments, business, the professionals and the media are selling. The result is that family life is dominated by money.

But, what if wellness and happiness can’t come from money and the outside
world? What if, wellness and happiness are only found inside us and our families?

The sages have strong opinions about this:

Helen Keller: Happiness is obtained through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

Gandhi: Increase in material comforts in no ways leads to moral growth.

Eric Hoffer: The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.

Paul: The love of money is the root of all evil.

Is it possible that we are the ones who are keeping the money rat race going? Are we assuming that wellness and happiness come from the community sources wanting our money?

What if, happiness, like money, is a by-product of our wellness? Crazier ideas have come along before. If we turned our family focus to wellness what would happen?

We know we can increase happiness of our family members if we took more time for them. We know that we could work fewer hours and play with family more if we settled for an older car or house. We know that our eating and entertainments costs would go down if we did more at home.

So, it is possible that we have got our families in the money rat race at the price of our wellness and happiness. That is a high cost. Is there evidence for this?

The answer is lots. We must make more money to buy anxiety medications because we are too stressed. We have given up on family entertainment,
(games, music, hikes) and have turned to high cost gadgets and programs.
We are losing great learning opportunities by not reading the classic books.

This sounds dull, right? - just like a diet sounds dull to an obese person. Have we become so fat on goodies, it is now very hard for us to do what brings wellness and happiness.

If happiness is a by-product of wellness, then our focus on money should be replaced by a focus where it belongs, on the family. This means that the family must get a whole renewed vision of itself and its job. The sages say that if we get things right within ourselves, happiness and the necessities will follow. They warn us that the direct search for happiness and money are dead end streets.

For a new view of family wellness please see: www.familycybermall.org.

Give us your thoughts on this FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2011-02-04T13:59:00.001-05:00

THE FAMILY’S SPIRITUAL MUDDLE

Boy, do we have a spirituality muddle these days! We’ve got more brands than A & P.

In the middle of this muddle, old-fashioned Christianity is taking a beating. The young folks just don’t dig church.

Where does this muddle leave the family? Research by Barna says faith is nurtured in the family. That’s both good and bad news. It’s good if the family is firm in its faith. It is not good if the family is in the muddle.

In today’s Western world, the usual response to a spiritual question is: “That’s personal and private” or another is “I go with what’s comfortable.”

Both responses clearly represent the general public mood. The popular name for that mood is New Age. The central theme of New Age, whatever brand, is “I’ll decide what I believe, thank you.”

This public mood is in direct contradiction to Christian belief (despite the fact that most Westerners call themselves Christian). The Christian, Bible-based belief is that the new life comes when one surrenders self to the guidance of the Lord and His followers.

How’s that for radical? That’s radical! It just happens to go against a tenet of Western culture, i.e. “My Freedom comes First!”. That’s probably why traditional Christianity is on the wane in the West. It can’t stand the cultural competition.

Where does this leave the family? In the middle of a muddle! However, all faiths call for decision. The question is not whether “To Be or not To Be.” But rather “To believe or not believe” - that’s the question!

As the family chooses, so go the children. Barna is probably right about that.

If it is decision time, check out www.newhopecovenants.org - it helps.

Give us your views on THE FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2011-01-18T07:31:00.002-05:00

Fatherhood - Bill Cosby Style

Dads don’t seem to get the good media attention that others do. So here is a series of quotes from Bill Cosby’s book - “Fatherhood”:

Parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.
My wife is the boss.
Father now has more responsibility; children have less.
He said the dog ate his book report.
There are many experts who are not parents.
A father hangs around till his baby gets her rudder working.
An authority once said: “Hold them very close the let them go.”

Fatherhood - a part of every FAMILY CHALLENGE!

2011-01-05T05:44:00.002-05:00

TEAMWORK: THE ULTIMATE SOURCE OF POWER IN THE UNIVERSE

If this is true, it’s a big message for families

Guess where this title came from? None other than Disney World. We hope Disney is living by this message.

But, many others also have it right including:

G.K. Chesterton: “We’re in a stormy sea and owe each other our total loyalty.”

Max DePree: “A covenantal relationship rests on shared commitments to ideas, to issues, to values, to goals.”

Bishop Stephen Neil: “Faith is nurtured only in the fellowship of believers.”

Jean Vanier: “We have the power to call forth the gifts of others or to crush them.”

Crick and Watson: “The Double Helix” - “All of life is connections.”

They all say the same thing. It is in our connections where we find focus and power. Power through teamwork. It is the team that gives life to its members.

The terrorists are teaching us this. Why are they so powerful? They are one in purpose and action. Their mission is clear. They give their lives for that mission. That’s real power.

Disney and terror - two names not meant for each other. Disney has the words. The terrorists have the power.

Looks like we need to find the teamwork way to create a happy style for our families. Looks like families are stronger when members work together. It also looks like families gain support when families work together.

For a step toward teamwork, please see www.newhopecovenants.org and help with THE FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2010-12-20T05:20:00.001-05:00

Today’s Family Wellness Tips – Part II

Play a fun game

Send a thoughtful e-mail

Hug a dear friend

Visit a Senior

Decide to stop smoking

Get rid of one big, bad thought

Smell the flowers

Stay away from blame games

Walk in the woods

Avoid folks who spew out problems

Take time with a child

Write a diary

Avoid folks who are upsetting

Use the handrail - falls cost

Do not gossip

Write a goal for today

Snuggle with your mate

Say Please and Thank You

Drive slower

Start every day with a big Wellness thought

Meditate/pray today

Make eye contact

Go to bed on time

Check every medication on the internet

Drink more water

Don’t argue - count to 10

Play your favourite music

Listen first; talk later

Count your blessings

It takes a family – there is no solo Wellness

Give these Family Wellness tips a try with your FAMILY CHALLENGES – see how they work for you!

2010-12-06T13:08:00.004-05:00

Today’s Family Wellness Tips – Part I

Find a good joke

Stop doing one thing

Talk less, listen more

Do just one important thing today

Slow everything down

Listen to your favourite music

Try just waiting

Ignore the tailgater

Read a book chapter

Think Wellness not illness

Ignore that insult

Make two lists: today’s and tomorrow’s

One random deed of kindness

Ease back on the alcohol

Think wellness not illness

Ask a friend for help

Today, only one small step

Plan a trip

Do your daily exercise

Wellness comes from good things in balance

Drop one junk food

Leave the mess until tomorrow

Get a 10 minute quiet time

Turn off extreme TV

Do something silly

When lost for words – smile

Avoid multi-tasking

Don’t wait for phone or mail

Quit when tired

With Wellness, everything affects everything else

Have a good look at these Family Wellness tips - see how they help you with your FAMILY CHALLENGES.

2010-11-15T09:19:00.001-05:00

THESE ARE TOUGH TIMES FOR FAMILIES

- A Clinician’s Viewpoint

The family is facing very tough times for its job of raising children and looking after all its members. Not long ago, we had a family doctor, family lawyer, friendly local storekeeper and banker, schools we trusted and police and postmen we knew well. The radio had pleasant sounds. The priest was our confidante.

Now things are drastically different:

Health care has become a system with endless delays and medications.
The legal system is full of delays, traps and tricks.
Our food store’s first skill is marketing – stuff we don’t always need.
Our financial systems are brutal, locking us in by their fees.
Our schools and colleges have become secular and drug infested.
The media force all the limits with gross spectaculars.
Now, even the priests are under suspicion.

So, most of the community resources we relied on for our family welfare has turned into threats. The family now has its back to the wall.

Returning to first principles, the family is the bedrock of our society. It provides primary security and conditions for child rearing. It still has the world’s most important job.

How does the family take practical steps to strengthen itself? As things stand now, our legacy to our children includes a rush-rush lifestyle, maybe an education and big debt. Our society has become hostile with its drugs, road rage, porn and violence.

The family can bring change with a new focus on family wellness. The new Family Wellness Rainbow is one good approach. Wellness shifts the focus from all the problems to the good things in life.

The Rainbow has a balance of six essentials that families need to ensure their wellness:

Health - Wellness is still the best medicine. It promotes health that stays off illness and helps us cope when illness strikes.

Relationships - In no other place can we and our children experience consistent caring in good and bad times.

Knowledge - Only the family can guide children in the selection and use of today’s endless information sources.

The Family Itself - New recognition is needed by all families of the importance of its unique nature and job in these tough times.

Values - All of us need new appreciation of the good, the bad and the consequences of both.

Faith - Belief is still the bedrock of family life - we need to rediscover the simple truths.

The Family Wellness Rainbow is a new way to attend to wellness. It combines six essentials. It displays the need for balance across the colours and their value.

The legacy we are building for our children has new challenges. Faith is still the bedrock of family life. A renewed focus on family wellness is the most practical way through tough times for our families today.

Tell us your opinions of this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2010-11-01T09:57:00.000-04:00

KEEP TRACK OF WELLNESSS – IT’S YOUR FUTURE

Wellness gives us health, relationships and our happiness. Record a once-a-month check on your progress.

Are you feeling better inside?

Is your weight under control?

Has your concentration improved?

How are relationships going?

Are you eating smarter?

How are family dinners going?

Are you getting quiet times for yourself?

Are you getting outdoors regularly?

Have you made that important phone call?

The great value of a written check- up - you see how you’re doing. Tell us how your family is doing in this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2010-10-19T12:02:00.000-04:00

FAMILY WELLNESS FOR BUSY PEOPLE

For wellness, you don’t have to do a program for wellness. Just build wellness into daily routines:

A 20 minute workout three times as week - lowers blood pressure.
A thoughtful phone call or card - warms up a relationship.
Short study or internet - shores up your opinions with facts.
Daily 10 minute meditation - lowers anxiety.
Avoid sugar, sodas and salt - helps prevent heart problems.
Daily prayer - avoids bad choices.
Dinner with the family - keeps channels open.
Get outside every day - reduces tensions.

Tell us how this helps your FAMILY CHALLENGE!

2010-10-04T10:35:00.000-04:00

ARE OUR CHANGES GOOD OR BAD?

Change never stops - up or down.

Everything is aging - are we going down hill too?

Some say: “Can’t teach an old dog new tricks”.

Family Wellness says: Good change is always possible.

Some say: “Once hooked on alcohol or drugs - that’s it”.

A.A. says: “We can beat it together”.

Family Wellness says: Check out your wellness with the Rainbow.

The Rainbow shows the six big essentials.

Family Wellness says: It is proven - short term goals bring change.

Family Wellness shows the goal steps to take with a friend.

Check out Family Wellness: http://www.familycybermall.org/

2010-09-21T10:02:00.003-04:00

BALANCE - THE SECRET TO WELLNESS

The Family Wellness Rainbow’s six colours give the ingredients for wellness. When in balance, each colour helps every other one.

Hazel neglected colon cancer signs overdoing fitness.

Gerry got diabetes – neglected diet in pursuit of education.

Our wholeness comes from combining our different gifts. Fitness alone, or a club, or faith doesn’t give wholeness.

The Family Wellness Rainbow leads to wholeness in two ways:

It takes a family through the six colour essentials

It helps a family set one, clear goal and do it

Check out The Family Wellness Rainbow at www.familycybermall.org and meet your FAMILY’S CHALLENGES!

2010-09-04T07:11:00.002-04:00

HEALTH CARE BY THE NUMBERS

We are blessed with competent and caring medical staff.

But, technology is renovating health care.

The new benefits are great - more and specialized service.

But, the new medical technology works on numbers and systems.

Our diagnosis, treatment and drugs flow from these numbers.

Medical time for individual attention is shrinking.

Since I am special, not average, who's looking out for me?

Who checks if the latest drug is working for me?

Our only answer left: THE FAMILY!

Our families now must keep track of their own health information.

We can use technology to build new medical partnerships.

Wellness is the Family Way: www.familycybermall.org

What are your thoughts on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE?

2010-08-03T08:20:00.002-04:00

YOUR FAMILY WELLNESS CHECK-UP

You need to work on your wellness if:

You are out of breath from two flights of stairs
You are more than 25 pounds overweight
You can’t sit quietly by yourself for 10 minutes
You haven’t read a book in a month
You can’t recover from yesterday’s argument
People who talk about God upset you
You’re watching TV over 3 hours a day
You are using too much, sodas, salt and sugar
You can’t get away from your cell phone
You haven’t had a frank chat with a friend in a week
You haven’t had a good laugh this week

If so, get to a wellness website, book or meeting, now!

2010-07-19T09:51:00.004-04:00

THE WELLNESS FACTS OF LIFE

One wrong ingredient spoils the pudding.

One bad car part of 500 causes accidents.

One rotten apple spoils the barrel.

One broken bone of hundreds lays us up.

Ugly fact of life: One Bad can ruin many Goods.

The wellness lesson: Cover the big wellness bases.

We can’t afford to miss a big one.

Family Wellness Rainbow says there are SIX BIG ONES.

Fitness, Relationships, Information, Home, Values, Faith

Check them out on www.familycybermall.org

2010-07-02T14:27:00.009-04:00

LIVE TODAY - THE WELLNESS WAY

Most of us live for tomorrow

mortgage
doctor appointment
that holiday
retirement

Our worry lists are long - they all depend on tomorrow.

Most of us know that yesterday is gone and tomorrow is just a fantasy.

Wellness does right today, leaving tomorrow to later.

Wellness today is simple - eat right, exercise, study, do a kind deed, pray.

Wellness is a cure for rushing and multi tasking.

Wellness gives us time to look around, enjoy nature and all we have.

In wellness, thankfulness replaces worry.

It takes a famiy to raise a child - It takes a family to help each other be well.

For more about family wellness visit - www.familycybermall.org.

2010-06-16T14:54:00.000-04:00

WELLNESS IS THE WAY TO FAMILY TOGETHERNESS

To cook a tasty dish, we know we must follow the recipe.

But, to raise children, we think that we know best.

To furnish a home, we are careful about appliances and furnishings.

But, for family well-being, we operate without a prescription.

Many families are suffering fragmentation; losing togetherness.

On our own, our chances of making bad choices go way up.

With togetherness, family members look out for each other.

The Rainbow for Family Wellness is one prescription of good choices.

Its six dimensions show families what they need.

Family Wellness brings families together.

Please see www.familycybermall.org for the details and help your family with this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE!

2010-06-01T08:49:00.009-04:00

WELLNESS - THE WAY TO FAMILY TOGETHERNESS

In the olden days, families enjoyed togetherness from the farm, shop, school and church.

To-day, community forces fragment the family:

We go to school and work in different places
Our cars takes us far and fast
The media load us with social and values conflicts
Business caters to us by age group
We don’t often eat together

A family isn’t family togetherness, so what can bring us together?

Wellness is something we all want, need and agree on.

Wellness can be the glue that keeps us together when nothing else can.

The Family Wellness Rainbow shows the six big features that work.

Check out the Family Wellness Rainbow and tell us your thoughts on this FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2010-05-19T09:54:00.002-04:00

WELLNESS AND OUR MENTAL HEALTH

We are all interested in our mental health even though we're not always sure how we are doing.

We mostly know about anxiety and some of us know about depression. Many less know how deep and difficult these conditions can be.

On the medical side, our best help comes from medications. But it is often difficult to get the right medication because each person is different.

We need to know that the experts are divided on the big question of nature vs. nurture - did we inherit it or did we catch it? So some professionals rely on medication; others rely on day-to-day living.

On the wellness side, there is lots we can do - ordinary things like exercise, diet, study, work, prayer and connecting well with others.

Most of us have some sort of mental health challenge - it might be as simple as being a bit too negative. The tricky part of mental health is that we are often the last person to recognize our problem.

This is where the family and small groups do their good work. In an atmosphere of acceptance, we can allow ourselves to hear messages that are not always comfortable.

One of the best clues to any mental health and attitude problem is to check out what most bothers us in others. That is usually a hot tip.

The moral of this story is that on most days we should rely on the simple, good things we can do for our mental health.

Wellness pays.

Let's hear your views on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE!

2010-05-01T06:32:00.003-04:00

IN PRAISE OF GRANDMOTHERS

Grandmothers have decades of life experience - both good and bad.

They have the benefit of being in the family but not in the daily battles.

Tony has 8 grand kids. She has seen to it that they do well in school. Tony is not shy. For her, these children are always polite.

Rhoda didn't say much. Her practice of kneeling at bedtime influenced a generation.

Stella at 80 is still bailing out families and grand kids. It is her full time job.

Aileen is keeping the 8 grandchildren of five adopted children in touch with each other despite big challenges.

Mildred has mothered 5 grandchildren on her own for 20 years.

Barna Research has studies that show grandmothers to be the first line of faith influence on children.

In this too busy generation, we can't neglect such treasures.

2010-04-15T12:37:00.002-04:00

THE CELL PHONE - FRIEND OR FOE?

Family members are now benefiting by regular contact using cells. It is now much easier to stay in touch - something that is especially important with children.

However, there is a big BUT. Look at these quotes from Valdosta Times, GA:

"Children 8 to 18 devote an average of seven and a half hours a day"

"Only about 3 in 10 parents have rules about cells"

"47% of heavy media users earn mostly Cs or lower"

"They are using this to escape reality"

"A whole new loss of ability to interact on a more personal level"

"I locked the laptop, keyboard, mouse and cell in the car at night"

"I had caught my 13-year old at it at 5:30 am"

Another writer says we need to outsmart the smart phones. By that, he means find new ways at home and at school to use the technology together for the wellness of each of us. He wants us to harness the immense new power.

When we discovered fire, we found ways to harness it. Using wellness as our goal, the possibilities become huge.

Give us your feedback on this FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2010-04-01T17:19:00.004-04:00

WELLNESS VS. ILLNESS

Our families and our society are caught in a terrible illness trap. We all believe in wellness for ourselves and others. We all believe in illness too much. When illness happens we then believe that we must find a cure for the illness in order to be well.

There are several dumb things in all this:

We assume we can find a cure
We assume that the cure will then mean wellness
We have this naive idea that wellness is just one step away

The facts are that wellness is a combination of a number of key ingredients. In the Rainbow model, there are six: health, relationships, information, roots, values and faith. Handicaps of any sort are not on this list.

The other fact is that a cure does not necessarily provide wellness. Why? Because wellness and illness are in two different leagues. Cures are about solving problems which just get us back to where we were - good or bad. Wellness is about getting life right.

Let's be practical. A person has a severe allergy. It interferes with breath, disturbs the person day and night. Do we say to that person, with the right medical attention you should find relief in three months. The answer is yes, but.......

The BIG BUT is why do we leave that person for three months before making wellness suggestions. What is stopping this sufferer from attending to a key relationship, a family member needing support, a new idea for the whole family?

We hold back because we are in the illness trap - where this fantasy controls a life.

The other big thing is that everybody has some form of handicap: physical, emotional or spiritual. These are not always evident even to the person in question. Nevertheless that is the big fact on which Freud made a good living.

So, there is every reason in the world to get onto wellness - both because it is great and because it tends to bring with it "cures" we don't expect. Besides, wellness is our best brand of preventative medicine.

Let's hear from you on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2010-03-15T07:04:00.002-04:00

THE TWO WORLDS OF OUR FAMILY

Our Inside View:

Here is where we live every day
Our routines are too familiar
We have a long "to-do" list
We never catch up

All through school and into work -

We are trained to figure things out
We now know about "problem then solution"
We also know about goals and results

All this is where we live every day.

Our Outside View:

Here is where we have a problem getting the picture
We weren't trained to use our imagination to get a vision

Pro Sports are learning to visualize -

The pro scans the fairway, rough, water and green
He has been trained to see the whole, good short, first

How do we visualize our Family?

Can we visualize a picture of our home and family members?
Can we imagine how others see our family?
Can we create in our minds a video of our past, present and future?

Visualizing Has Big Payoffs:

We think about what's really important - like our purpose
We think about our time with our loved ones
We refocus on our job - raising kids and adults - serving others
Tomorrow we will do better

Does your family visualize? Tell us about this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE!

2010-03-03T16:54:00.000-05:00

SAFEGUARDING OUR CHLDREN, PART III: FROM THE GENDER GAP

The big social news is that women are achieving new roles. This is good both for families and for women. Marriages can be partnerships - with sharing of roles and mutual decision-making. Women can realize their potentials and talents.

Social role shifts are big news - in the sense that every role shift affects everybody. Mom can’t take on a new role without affecting dad and the kids. If mom suddenly is macho, that can have a shock for children.

It is big too on the calendar. Role shifts cannot happen quickly - none of us adjust very fast - we all need time. Children are more sensitive to role shifts than parents. They need time to test out any new deal - and will do so in unique ways.

The benefits of this big news for women are great. So are the risks. The biggest risk children face is confusion. Little boys still need a clear view of what boys are about. Little girls need that too. In fact, little boys and girls need rather clear views of each other. All this comes mainly from family life.

Children benefit when parents are comfortable in their own skins. When mom and dad sort out their roles with comfort, children benefit. But children get hurt when they view role conflict between mom and dad. That hurt can be temporary or long term - depending on how the parents do.

Ours is a rapidly changing society. Children are robust. Yet their lives, their self image and their behaviour are shaped in the family by their role models. There is lots of talk these days about role models. None can compare in influence with that of the parents.

Children can weather the storms of neglect or abuse. The storm that gives them long term handicaps are those that can come from their parents’ relationship – whatever or wherever it is.

Mom’s new role is family business. The family needs to be supportive to mom. The family also needs to look after all its members. No family stays still for very long. Good family life takes work - all the time.

How does your various family roles meet this FAMILY CHALLENGE?

2010-02-15T10:10:00.002-05:00

SAFEGUARDING OUR CHILDREN, PART II: FROM CHEATING

U.S. News recently reported that 40% of college students admitted cheating on exams. While some of that will be smart talk that big number tells us something is not right.

The temptations in college are great but well grounded kids don't cheat. And, we know that well-grounding begins at home.

So what at home could shake the grounding? Here is a short list:

Excuses when late from work
Fiddling on our taxes
15 clicks over the speed limit
Half truths like - "I just had one beer"
"Not my fault - He caused the accident"
"The devil made me do it"

Our problem is that young children have X-ray vision and supersonic hearing. They often know what's going on more than we parents do. We have learned from long experience how to fog things. In fact, we get to the point where we no longer see our own fogs.

How do we safeguard our children? We need some practice to defog:

Daily goals clear the air and focus on good things
Find one OOPS you know you can change now
Make a deal with the mate to check up each other regularly
Watch others to see how straight they can be

Do this for a while and suddenly an issue will come up from one of the children. "Are you getting sticky because you are getting old?"

This is a chance to be straight, like "Son, I realized that sometimes I was being less than honest".

It will take few such exchanges before the kids start to believe it.

Not a bad goal: "Today I will start to fix one OOPS"

If we are not careful, cheating can get seriously nasty!

Let's hear your views on this FAMILY CHALLENGE!

2010-02-06T10:34:00.002-05:00

SAFEGUARDING OUR CHILDREN, PART I: ALLERGIES

Dr. Leigh Venicur, quoted on the Fox Channel, says allergies have gone from 1% to 5% in just a decade. she claims that the biggest difference comes from the indoor life rather than the outdoor life.

We spend most of our time indoors where we worry about things being sanitary. Her point is that natural exposures bring us immunities. Unnatural environments make us more vulnerable. We try to make indoors safer by spraying stuff from cans.

When we think about it, we humans are beings who come into a world of rain, frogs, birds, snakes, worms, streams, trees, bugs, grass, dirt and rocks. Children don't need programs to learn about these. We have built for ourselves a civilization that keeps us away from natural things. We are closeted in houses, offices, shops and stores which are unnatural.

There is more than an allergy problem with how we live. There are social and psychological problems. We spend a lot of time dealing with problems we create because we are housed together most of our lives. We make life complicated by trying to be junior psychiatrists - analyzing our most subtle body languages. We shelter our children from "unhealthy" people and places.

Take the case of the school principal. One of her problems is that the kids don't know how to do recess outside. There are no machine games; there are no organized programs. They stand around waiting for class to start again. The big exception is bullying which they learned from video and TV.

These children don't live outside. They don't know how to make up games on the grass, use sticks as bats or play tag. They are not learning good peer social skills. Their bodies are not being immunized naturally.

The good doctor knows that allergies are complex, like everything else in our world. He simple fact is that our lifestyle is a big factor. There doesn't seem to be anything being organized by the government for this.

Maybe our families need to rediscover the old fashioned family picnic. What about a family hike? New trails are opening up. What about cancelling that drive to the sports arena? what about turning off all the machines leaving us with only the backyard or the park?

It may be that the message about allergies is the message that we need for a lot of good things.

Let's hear your opinion on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2010-01-18T10:00:00.000-05:00

IS OUR FAMILY SOFT ON CRIME?

In the Virginia Tech tragedy, 32 people died. An English teacher expressed concern about the gunman 18 months earlier. The counselling service didn’t have authority. The university had the authority to expel the student but did not.

What is amazing about all the reporting is lack of attention to the family. They had authority - they helped pay college bills. Why didn’t they make it their business to check their son’s college life and quarters? It is hard to hide big, automatic weapons.

When we send kids to college, they think they are free - free from family and free to do as they wish. Here is where both families and kids can get it seriously wrong. Parents need to know all about their child’s college life, exposure to different values and close friends. Legal age has nothing to do with all this because family is family and family is paying.

These parents may have been confused about their responsibilities. They must not inflict a school with problems they can’t control. They must be sure the big expenditure is worthwhile. They must provide their child with the support he/she needs regardless of age.

Teens and youth can kick up dust in parent’s faces. Parents need to see that the dust-kicking is merely a test to see if parents mean what they say. No family should turn a child into the community who does not get the rule of law. A “Yes” is Yes and a “No” is No.

The rule of law is very simple. In life, there are rules. Law breaking leads to consequences. The consequences are usually sufficient to ensure law-keeping. Despite the mechanics of law, children must learn respect for others. Children learn respect for law and others early in their family life.

Let’s hear your views on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2010-01-07T11:42:00.002-05:00

IF MAMA AIN’T HAPPY - AIN’T NOBODY HAPPY!

This great saying may not sit well with some women. It suggests that:

Family is down when Mama is down
Everybody is tense when Mama is tense
Family is grumpy when Mama is grumpy
Things only go well when Mama is OK

Today’s Mamas have every right to say:

“Enough is enough”
“I’m already doing three jobs”
“Who’s looking out for me?”

If the saying is true, then each Mama should:

Accept the fact she shapes family moods
Remember that raising kids is job One
Ensure her mate shares the load
Look after her life for today

This isn’t just Mama’s challenge, this is a FAMILY CHALLENGE!

2009-12-22T08:27:00.002-05:00

WHAT NEXT EPIDEMIC DOES OUR FAMILY FACE?

Now, the big one is H1N1 flu

We can’t get all the information we need
Can we trust the new injection?
Why is it high risk for some and not for others?
Is all this panic really necessary?

We have other bigger epidemics going on:

Diabetes rates will double in the next 15 years
(Columbia Medical School, Cleveland Clinic)
Diabetic children will start dying before their parents
Childhood asthma is big and growing
Attention deficit affects large number of school children
Anxiety drugs are in regular use by adults and children

What do all these epidemics have in common?

As we all know, the one word answer is lifestyle
Fast foods make fat that reduce fitness
Rushed family life leave children short on hugs
Family focus on debt takes attention away from wellness

We all know what we need to do

Our family life is the only place we can change
We can do fruit juice rather than sodas
We can turn some couch time into fitness time
We can lean up our daily menu
We could take our foot off the pedal

The Big Fact: Our Lifestyle is Killing Us

Let's hear your thoughts on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2009-12-02T07:06:00.002-05:00

THE PRICE OF OUR FAST LIVING

We are living a life of extremes:

We drive over the speed limit
We spend beyond our incomes
Our TVs fill us with extremes
We live in loud, surround sound

The price of our fast living is very high

Stress is everywhere with everyone
Our rushed kids have attention deficits
The cars we drive kill and maim thousands
We are in overdrive because we overspend

High pace kills; Moderation pays

Fast pace leads to bad friends; slow pace leads to good ones
High speed kills; low speed is much safer
Our dress shows the real us: moderate or extreme
Kindly words encourage: coarse words turn folks off
Extremes are exhausting: moderation takes little effort

We know we are going too fast

There is a new interest in meditation
Walking trails are becoming popular
We are dressing down
Fitness is starting to replace anxiety pills
We find some peace in our favorite pods
Our spirituality is becoming important again

What we can do:

We can slow ourselves down, if not our world
We can slow our family down and take a breath
We can even take time to smell the flowers

Can your family slow down and meet this FAMILY CHALLENGE?

2009-11-17T22:24:00.001-05:00

THE FAMILY AND THE ORGANIZATION

Have we noticed that we now live a world of organization? Medicine, recreation, family help - all used to come from friends and neighbours. Now they come through organizations.

Our family members spend more time in organizations than at home. But home is our first line of security. How do we manage to do both?

Sounds like we need to help each other do good things at home so we know what to look for in all our organizations. The big thing here is that we have some control in our family and much less control in our various organizations.

The modern organization has a character of its own. It has a unique culture, policies, beliefs and ways of doing things. How do we fit our family culture, talents and beliefs with the organization?

Sounds like we need to know what to look for when we knock on the door of an organization. Here are some of the good things to check out:

Number one always, is supervision: is it a boss or teamwork place?
Next, are the people - friendly or not? The receptionist is a good sign.
Next is motive - what’s their real mission? Greed or Service?
And, is vision and teamwork the way they get things done?

The danger in organizations is getting trapped in the wrong place and not seeing a way out. We can check out ahead by asking friends, volunteering, getting a student job.

Probably the best approach to an organization is to have the key, direct questions ready to be asked up front. The good, strong organization will value our direct questions. The weak ones act insulted.

No matter how bad we want to get in, the wrong organization will just make life worse.

Our family is our first and best group experience. Our best preparation for life in the organization is our family well-being and togetherness.

Let’s hear your views on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2009-11-03T08:32:00.000-05:00

SEX AND THE FAMILY

In all the sex excitement, we can easily get distracted from the main thing: the main purpose is to make kids. The other big deal is that good sex makes for family harmony in which children grow.

Unfortunately, most of the excitement involves various kinds of sex abuse. Toping that list are the advertisers who tarnish sex for purposes of attention and money. With them are the copywriters for the media, films and the arts. These folks turn to sex as they run out of solid content.

We all know the big sex facts: infidelity hurts everybody; teen pregnancy comes from teen sex; HIV comes from unwise sex.

Sex can be an appealing addiction giving rise to pornography and horrible crimes. Our justice systems are overtaxed trying to keep up with the growth. Behind them are the money merchants who profit from keeping all this human misery going.

Then there are the headline seeking academics and their frothing followers. They use the popular appeal of sex to advance their own status and careers. They cite studies that emphasize gender differences. They ignore the fundamentals of family solidarity. All this propaganda distorts family life and makes life tough for children.

There also, are the lawyers who are out to sanitize the family. They make laws against such vital things like hugs. In families, schools and other intimate relationships, hugs are indispensable to good child and family mental health. How do we go about taking these lawyers to court?

Those of us who are not on any sex abuse registry can feel smug ignoring what all these rascals are doing to the precious nature of the marital relationship and the family home. There is already too many out marching for things less important. Maybe some renowned writer should write a solid best-seller on “Sex and the Family”.

For more on family wellness please see: www.familycybermall.org.

What’s your view on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE?

2009-10-16T17:50:00.002-04:00

WE NEED FAMILY WELLNESS - FOR OUR KIDS SAKE

Is there anything more important than the nurturing of our children?
Then is there anything more important than family wellness?

Most of us agree that wellness is vital. Few of us agree what it is. Some say fitness; others say education; others say faith. Who is right? Are we all right? Are we all wrong?

Or, maybe wellness doesn’t come from one thing. Maybe wellness is a number of things including fitness education and faith – blended together.

If that is so, then each family needs to decide its own wellness mix. The trick for each family is to find a good balance and not miss anything essential.

Our Western way of life discourages holistic wellness. There are too many folks with their single brand of wellness from which they make their livelihood. Companies sell their brand of health food. Schools promote their own views of learning. Clergy sell their own type of faith.

So, our families face a barrage of different wellness brands, they are left to decide themselves. Families need a new wellness vision: Our job is to make sure our families have well-rounded wellness.

All this makes the family vision of wellness priority number ONE. Health care, education, religion now are part of something much bigger. Health, education and religion are not ends in themselves but vital dimensions in the new family wellness vision.

Until families get a new wellness vision, they will continue to be victims of all the forces selling their own selfish, brands of “wellness”.

How's your family's wellness vision?

2009-10-01T08:17:00.001-04:00

OUR MONEY MADNESS PANDEMIC II: THE SOLUTION

For the safekeeping of our money, why would we turn money over to those who keep half for themselves?

This is what the big banks, governments and businesses do. They call it by the seductive name “Credit”. These big boys keep track of their own welfare by a game called the “stock market” - which has little to do with the welfare of us ordinary folks.

Our answer to our money madness is savings - the opposite of credit. Credit makes us slaves to big system pressures, dragging down our family wellness. Saving puts our families in the driver’s seat, giving us control and well-being.

It is going to take guts for families to shake credit and do savings. We have all dug ourselves into big holes. The big guys want us there and will give us no help out.

Here is a sensible, though tough, prescription and revamp for family financial well-being: (from www.familycybermall.org):

Separate fixed from optional costs
Make savings a fixed cost
To do this be prepared to redo house and car debt
A saving rate of 25% provides for education, retirement and insurance
Get rid of online banking, debit cards and unused credit cards
Limit internet purposes to solid sources only
Pay down monthly credit card balances
Invest only in sure fire, well known plans

A Family Balance Sheet that Balances Leads to Balanced Wellness

2009-09-15T08:15:00.000-04:00

OUR MONEY MADNESS PANDEMIC I

The inventor of the dollar had a great idea. I can exchange the value of my labour for goods. This was good because I worked, earned a dollar, and then saved it so I could buy the goods.

Over the past decades we have tried an easier way. When I want goods I use credit to get those goods and end up with debt. We have worked that game to the point where I can now owe more than I own. My debt is over 100%, which we will likely pass on to our children.

How did we get there? The insurance companies learned that when they get people paying they can keep as much as they dish out. Then, the furniture and car companies learned that with credit they can make more money on money than on goods. In the process, we end up paying double for all that we buy. That is why credit is dumb. That is why savings is smart.

There are things worse than having no money. When we chase it full bore we lose sight of why we are doing it - our values and behaviour get messed up. Family life is more hectic and frustrating than an airport. We have lost sight of what’s important in our lives. We are raising our kids in some money fantasy world.

Our money-driven fantasy world is weird. When we can’t stand the pressures we do drugs, alcohol and all the other diversions. To get money we gamble and lose the money we didn’t have anyway. We can destroy our way of life.

Nations have the same problem. The big money managers have the credit virus big time. On the brink of disaster they convince our governments to lend them our money to bail them out so they can turn around and lend us our money at high interest rates. All these big guys think they can solve the credit crunch by borrowing more money than we knew existed, if it does.

In the meantime, families have a pile of credit card, car loan and mortgage debt deeper than we know how to shed. The big guys get rid of debt by cancelling their obligations - leaving savers who loaned, empty handed.
We can only do this with personal bankruptcy which takes us into a new lean world. We need a better family money solution than those coming from the big guys. That solution is not asking the big guys for even more of our money from the government so that we can supposedly borrow our way out of our debt.

Let’s hear from you on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2009-09-02T09:22:00.001-04:00

JOE THE PLUMBER AND ALL HIS DEBTS

Joe has lived under two different money worlds. In the one, the big idea is that the big money guys provide capital that results in jobs, incomes to pay for goods and services. In the other, the big idea is for government to make rules so that the sharing of wealth is somewhat fair and matches needs.

Neither idea is bad in itself. What is very bad for Joe is that we now have an ungodly mix of both.

The capitalists found they could make lots of money by offering Joe endless credit. Unfortunately Joe went for it - credit cards, lines of credit, loans, mortgages, etc. His debt load now nearly equals his net worth.

The socialists set up tax systems that require hosts of bureaucrats to make the rules and see that Joe pays all his local, state and federal taxes. The systems are like cancer. They spread on their own and are hard to get rid of. This happens mainly because bureaucrats like jobs that are secure, pay well with all the benefits.

So, poor Joe is under a mountain of debt and taxes. Business and governments now have Joe where they want him. It is not in their interests to help him.

So what does Joe do? First he needs to pull back on borrowing and start saving. He needs to take back control of his family finances. This is going to be tough but not as tough as the corner he is now in.

The switch from credit to savings will certainly mean down grading of his major assets - home and cars. Saving goes into the budget list of essentials. He will only put his money where he is sure it is safe. He will no longer trust experts and their free advice.

Some families have already been doing all this. They are in control of their finances. They have savings for kids’ college, retirement and accidents. They are living well because they are not controlled by the big, greedy systems that take their money.

For more please see: www.familycybermall.org

Do you know someone like Joe and this FAMILY CHALLENGE?

2009-08-14T04:30:00.001-04:00

OUR CHILDREN AND FAMILIES: AT THE CROSSROADS

Our string of social crises - children on drugs, abuse, school drop-outs, crime, obesity, stress, jobs, drunk driving, debt, court cases - are telling us our children and families are at a crossroads.

Our string of social crises - overwhelmed medical services and costs, drugs in schools, courts in endless back-ups, churches losing ground, growing unemployment - are telling us that our community agencies for children and families are at a crossroads.

This crossroads demands the right decision. What is that decision?

For over 60 years the child and family pattern has been to look to community agencies for the help they need. In that time, we have developed every conceivable type of special services: health care, special education, family courts, prescription drugs, social services, insurance, credit and government grants.

In that pattern, families have looked to the community agencies for their needs. That pattern has now ground to a halt. Children and family problems persist; the community services are running out of resources.

The big decision for families and community services is WELLNESS.

No specialized services can do the family wellness job. No specialized service can get it right without a family wellness foundation. That foundation can come only from the family.

Put another way - when will we see the doctor, lawyer, counsellor, teacher and jobs advisor meeting together to figure out what’s best for Joe the Plumber and his family? Where will these specialists find the time to keep in regular touch with Joe and his family to help their progress?

Wellness provides the family life framework for the character-building of children. Wellness is a blend of vital dimensions: health, relationships learning, roots, values and faith. Only Joe and his family can decide what combination is right for them.

Wellness is the foundation for the well-being of our children, families, community, nation and world. The building starts from the ground up.

The New Rainbow for Family Wellness is one framework - we will need more and better ones. But, it is a start for families to make the right decision at the crossroads.

Please see: http://www.familycybermall.org/

Families now need to take control of their own wellness.

How’s your family’s wellness? Let’s hear from you and this FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2009-08-05T08:13:00.002-04:00

JOHN STEINBECK AND THE FAMILY

These are the messages of this blog:

We can be no stronger than our family
We do well when our family is working well
All our wellness is the exclusive business of the family

If you don’t believe us, here’s what John Steinbeck says:

“People need responsibility. They resist assuming it, but they cannot get along without it. I know this will cause cries of pain from the doctrinaires of the individual. I’m one myself. But also I believe that man is a double thing - a group animal and at the same time an individual. And it occurs to me that he cannot successfully be the second until he has fulfilled the first”

Saturday Review (May 1955)

So, this means that:

Violence starts in the home, we can’t blame the community
The family is the starting place to fix learning problems
Addictions have their source and control in the family
Money problems have their source and control in the family
Community experts can’t fix family problems
Most government, media and commercial cures are suspect
The family’s job is nurture and support for all its members

Let's hear from you on the FAMILY CHALLENGE of Family Wellness.

2009-07-17T12:04:00.002-04:00

IS OUR FAMILY SOFT ON CRIME?

In the Virginia Tech tragedy, 32 people died. An English teacher expressed concern about the gunman 18 months earlier. The counseling service didn't have authority. The University had the authority to expel the student but did not.

What is amazing about all the reporting is lack of attention to the family. They had authority - they helped pay college bills. Why didn't they make it their business to check their son's college life and quarters? It is hard to hide big, automatic weapons.

When we send kids to college, they can think they are free - free from family and free to do as they wish. Here is where both families and kids can get it seriously wrong. Parents need to know all about their child's college life, exposure to different values and close friends. Legal age has nothing to do with all this because family is family and family is paying.

These parents may have been confused about their responsibilities. They must not inflict a school with problems they can't control. They must be sure the big expenditure is worthwhile. They must provide their child with the support he/she needs regardless of age.

Teens and youth can kick up dust in parent's faces. Parents need to see that the dust-kicking is merely a test to see if parents mean what they say. No family should turn a child into the community who does not get the rule of law. A "Yes" is Yes and a "No" is No.

The rule of law is very simple. In life, there are rules. Law breaking leads to consequences. The consequences are usually sufficient to ensure law-keeping. Despite the mechanics of law, children must learn respect for others. Children learn respect for law and others early in their family life.

Give us your opinion on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2009-06-18T10:03:00.000-04:00

WHAT ABOUT DAD?

Decades ago, Bumstead in the cartoon Blondie, started the jokes about dear, old, bumbling, Dad. It would still be funny but some folks now take it as a comment on modern family life.

This coincides with Mom taking on two jobs. The focus has turned to Mom and the heavy load she has. In the process, Dad seems to be losing his muscle.

Most Dads today are very pleased to share the load of family breadwinner. They are also glad to lose the label of “Family Boss”. They know that teamwork works best.

There is a snag in all this. With all the attention on Mom, kids can get warped views of men and women. Both girls and boys continue to need to see Dads as strong and brave - doing guy things. They will enter their later adult relationships holding family views of adult roles.

In the old days, the dominant male style wasn’t the best for children. Now, any dominant female styles will also do kids a disservice.

So, this comes down to the old story. Mom and Dad must make sure they have their act and their signals straight to do the best job for the kids. This is true regardless of family structure or orientations.

Wars between Mom and Dad are the world’s most damaging experiences for children. In wars, nobody is right. In wars, nobody wins.

Let’s hear from you on this FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2009-06-01T09:07:00.001-04:00

IF MAMA AIN’T HAPPY - AIN’T NOBODY HAPPY!

This great saying may not sit well with some women. It suggests that:

Family is down when Mama is down
Everybody is tense when Mama is tense
Family is grumpy when Mama is grumpy
Things only go well when Mama is OK

Today’s Mamas have every right to say:

“Enough is enough”
“I’m already doing three jobs”
“Who’s looking out for me?”

If the saying is true, then each Mama should:

Accept the fact she shapes family moods
Remember that raising kids is job One
Ensure her mate shares the load
Look after her life for today

This isn’t just Mama’s challenge, this is a FAMILY CHALLENGE!

2009-05-15T14:30:00.002-04:00

DEAR MOM - TAKE A BREATH - FOR THE KIDS

The Old Family Story

Dad too busy at work
No energy at home for the kids
Little boys missed guy time with Dad
Little girls missed their time with Dad

The New Story is Very Different

Mom works at work, home, marriage - tries to run too fast
When Mom’s strung out, the family is strung out
Shift work doesn’t work for kids who need continuity
Kids are left with more freedom than they can handle

Overstressed Parents Are Trying to Raise Kids

Community kid culture brings questionable values
Kids run the schools - police patrol for drugs, like the street
Churches have lost their grip on family life
Business and government peddle their products and programs

What About the Family?

Needs to regroup, get a grip and take control of family life
Need to regain focus on the big job - raising kids
Shift priorities from goodies to wellness
Kids need to hear and feel parent values and beliefs

What About Mom?

Take a breath and put family first
Dad and kids need to stand up to the plates, rugs, money
Mom needs to discover her new role in a working family
Time for Mom to set a new family

How is your family meeting this FAMILY CHALLENGE?

2009-05-01T16:16:00.002-04:00

DEAR MOM - TIME TO TAKE A BREATH - FOR THE FAMILY

In our day, Moms are trying to do two or more jobs - well. By her taking a breath, Dad, the kids and the grandparents can share in the heavy lifting.Betsey Hart, Chicago radio station WYLL says “If Dads are there at all, it’s SuperMom handling everything”.

Look what’s happening to Mom and Dad:

The sheriff leading the charge down Main Street is a lady
The press plays up bad Dad deserting the family
Moms must now compete with Dads in the muscle fitness world
Press jokes about Dads outnumber Mom jokes 10 to 1

Looks What’s Happening to the Family

The full-time homemaker is replaced by part-time homemakers
Family life is a rat race much like the community
No time to get together
Relationships get and stay frayed in all the hustle
Grandparents mostly out of the family loop
Use of anxiety medications skyrocketing
Families try getting all their solutions from the community

What’s Driving this Family Imbalance?

Businesses that target individuals - particularly women
Governments promoting individual rights instead of family rights
Media dish out extreme examples of lousy family life
Groups claim conspiracies against women

How to Correct All This Family Fragmentation

Parents need to get together and take control of family life
Material goals need to be lowered to be within reason
Reinvent regular family time for fun, sharing, decisions, prayer

Take a breath and meet this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2009-04-15T11:34:00.003-04:00

THE FAMILY IN AN AGE OF PERIL

The family has the world’s most important job: the well-being and nurturing of children. Our society’s big forces seem intent on controlling our family rather than supporting it. How can the family marshal its strengths to get the big job done well? How can the family withstand the controlling community powers?

Job one for the family is child nurturing and marital harmony. This means responsibility for health, faith, learning, careers and primary relationships. Sounds nearly impossible. In fact there is no other candidate for this job.

Arrayed against the family are powerful community forces working to control the family. Business strives to sell its products. Governments want to influence our behaviour and our votes. The health care systems prescribe drugs. Schools tell us how to educate our kids. Churches tell us what is right and what is wrong. The banks tell us what to do with our money. The media want to shock us into buying what their advertisers sell.

Each of these big community systems has its own focus with huge resources to sell their ways.

How does the family cope in the face of such powerful influences? It faces two dimensions - the challenges inside and outside the family. The inside is always the tougher one.

The family needs to do what all the big forces do - find their unique mission focus. In sum, the family mission is wellness. Wellness has at least six key dimensions including fitness, learning, relationships, jobs and faith. The power base of each family is its blend of wellness dimensions.

The family needs to develop its inner strength before trying to deal with all the community forces exerting control. Family empowerment comes first from family wellness focus.

Next there is the challenge from all these controlling community forces. In our age, where does one find a power base? Happily the computer can become a major family wellness tool. How?

Knowledge is power. When the family organizes itself on its wellness base, it suddenly has power and leverage with big systems. The family can develop its own knowledge system on its own computer.

Then what can happen?

Families can use their new medical information to dialogue with doctors about the best medication.
Families can discuss with teachers their specific educational goals for their children.
Families can keep the only up-to-date family health and school records.
Families can set their own improvement goals for their relationships.
Families make clear for themselves their unique wellness mission.
Families can explain to clergy their spiritual needs.

The perils facing the families are clear. Now the family wellness ways must become equally clear – the computer is waiting to do that job. Tell us how your family is doing with this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2009-04-03T11:12:00.001-04:00

JOINING SHAPES OUR FAMILIES

What is this all about? The proposition is this: Just as our words and language create human communication, so joining creates our families.

We are steadily learning that there is a big difference between hearing and listening. Now we are learning that this thing called “Joining” actually shapes our families.

To get at this let’s look at three levels of human communication: chatting, conversation and joining.

Most of us have lots of chat. We cover the world’s weather, national crises and Aunt Edna’s rheumatism. We can have a lot of chatting without much connection from all the talking. We fill our world with words either within the family, with others or from all the media. Shakespeare’s line is “Sound and fury signifying nothing”.

At the conversation level, things are different – talking, hearing and listening really happen. When the other person talks, I not only hear but I listen - which means I let his/her talk sink in. So at this level, in a conversation, there can be both hearing and listening - creating understanding between persons.

The claim here is that “joining” actually creates families. To better understand this, we had better see what “joining” really means. The word suggests one person actually joins the space of another. If I say to you “I’m having a lousy day”, you actually start to feel with me my lousy day. Even more importantly, if you respond with something like “I thought you looked a little down today”, that tells me you are with me.

What just happened here? One person left his own self concerns to move into the world of another. That is a very big deal. Why? Because two people forged a link. Relationships are built when two individuals join with each other by sharing what they are thinking and feeling - both ways.

Families are where our lives are intimately linked. The members are part of each other. Joining is how all this happens.

2009-03-09T14:15:00.002-04:00

HOW TO GET WELLNESS HELP FROM THE COMMUNITY

If we are worried about our wellness, our first instinct is to find help in the community. There are several problems with that. First, we need a clear picture of what makes us well. As we all know, wellness comes from a combination of diet, exercise, learning, praying, good relationships etc. Therefore we need some idea of what we need most.

So before we ask for help, we must decide what we need.

Next, we need a view of the community helpers. They are to be found in silos. For example, each church is a silo. Its walls are made up of beliefs, procedures and budgets. The silo is led by a particular profession. These silos are like the family - no time, too busy.

So when we knock on a silo door we find good folks who know quite a bit about one aspect of wellness. Churches aren’t experts in diet, exercise etc. They don’t have a full view of wellness and certainly not our wellness.

There are a number of big helping silos - health, education, social services and justice. Each with their walls and dominant professions - doctors in healthcare, lawyers in justice, etc.

The big community helping problem is that the big players have neither the time nor the ability to guide towards wellness - because wellness is the right combination of things for each individual. Only the family can do that.

So, a family looking for wellness help in the community must first be clear what wellness is needed. Then it can benefit from the right community agencies.

Part of the FAMILY CHALLENGE is finding what wellness your family needs. Do you know?

2009-02-13T08:46:00.000-05:00

THE FAMILY WAY TO WELLNESS

We all know how to be well: eat right, exercise, good relationships, prayer, be useful, learn and taste the arts. We also know that our wellness prevents illness; it helps us even if we do get sick. We are happier when we are well. Most of all we want our kids to be well.

So why aren’t we as well as we can be?

There are two big answers to that big question. First, we lose sight of our wellness because we are so busy and so distracted. Who has time to think about doing all the things that make us well? What a bind we are in!

Second, we have the habit of looking to someone else when we have a wellness problem. If we think we are sick we look on TV or the internet for a silver bullet. Or, we get a doctor’s appointment where we end up with some drug.

With the focus off our wellness and looking for someone else to help, we miss the wellness benefits.

So what do we need to do to be well? We need to take time to scan our wellness list to see what we most need doing. Then we need to do something now.

How can we get something done when we are so busy? A simple goal does the job - “In eight weeks I will take time to read a book I’ve always meant to”. How can I be sure I will bother? By writing the goal and result down and asking someone to help me keep track.

How will reading that book help my wellness? My rushing is unhealthy. Reading can break that cycle. By reading I stimulate my mind - learning is a big wellness step.

The way to wellness is to look up, take one small step then think about the next step a bit later.

As in all of the FAMILY CHALLENGES, stopping to take time even for the smallest thing takes effort. Tell us how you do with your first “small step”.

2009-01-28T08:12:00.000-05:00

LOOK WHAT THE FAMIY IS MISSING

We are a entering a new age of thinking. In the old thinking we used ideas like “cause and effect”. In that idea, we define the need (effect) which leads to the cause of the problem. With old thinking it suggests that there is one cause for one effect.

In our new age thinking we see that there can be many different things causing the result.

Here is an example from the old thinking. We can consider well-being coming from either fitness or faith. On any Sunday morning, the parking lot for the fitness center has cars full of folks who are dedicated to fitness as their source of well-being.

Down the street the church parking lot is full of cars with folks for whom faith is the big answer to life. If we started a discussion with these two groups we would find each dedicated to their own thing and thinking.

While these two definitions of well-being seem miles apart both parties miss the obvious point - they both can be right. So each can miss the big secret - well-being takes a number of good things to get the desired result.

This is the situation facing our super rushed families. To enjoy well-being these families now have to ask the question: “What are the dimensions of wellness?”

The Wellness Resource Center of Vanderbilt University has an interesting answer: The Wellness Wheel. In their model, wellness has six pieces in their pie. The pieces include: Social, Spiritual, Emotional, Intellectual, etc. It is the combination and balance of these that make for wellness.

What is our family missing? Our search for wellness is to be found in the combination of many good things in which they develop balance.

So, the fitness and the faith families need to chat to see how they can help each other.

In this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE, do you know what YOUR family is missing in its search for Family Wellness?

2009-01-08T08:07:00.001-05:00

WELLNESS BY LEARNING

We all start learning the day we are born. By experience, we learn the basics through experiences with adults. Throughout is the big teacher life, we continue to learn by experience for better or for worse. Experience is the big teacher.

We are born with intellect. But intellect is not one thing. It is many different things and different kinds. Each has his own unique intellect and genetic gifts. So, learning by experience must suit our particular make-up. Helpful learning must therefore be shaped for individual needs. Learning for one may not help the learning for another. So, learning can’t be prepackaged.

Then we have schools. The root meaning of “education” is to lead out. Our schools have become huge and our education has become standardized and bureaucratic. Teachers have standardized teaching methods. These undergo periodic change as views change about best teaching methods. The correlation between teaching and learning continues to be uncertain.

In our day, families depend on schools for their children’s education. Families view education as the key to a child’s future. Huge family and public expenditures support all this. Unfortunately, there is little evidence that education is shaped to meet the needs of individuals. Nor is there evidence that more education means greater wellness.

Now, we all enjoy the world wide internet for information. Every conceivable question is being answered by reliable resources. We and our children are now all internet students. As we speak, learning and education are going through a revolution. Expertise is shifting from the professionals to the families. We are now all equipped to make good learning for us and our families.

The Internet equips families with resources for:

1. Learning experiences
2. Information for decision-making
3. Learning through schools.

It also provides reliable internet resources for all these areas.

Today’s big, bald fact is that learning happens mainly at home, work and in the community. Families need to face this fact and challenge, and take back direct responsibility for their children’s learning. Then they can ensure that their child uses schools and work and the community for his/her unique learning experiences.

2008-12-19T04:38:00.002-05:00

THE FAMILY MEDIC CRISIS

Medicine is a great boon to us all. Doctors are one of the few professionals pledged to take responsibility for their patients. In our uncertain age it is refreshing to find someone who cares enough to do something for us.

Modern medicine and we face several crises. While the medical specialties have brought miracles, they unfortunately come in tight little packages. The result is that it is very difficult for doctors and families to find the right combination of help when there is more than one challenge - which is usually the case.

The big crisis in medicine is called case responsibility - who is responsible for the whole person and family? Who has the full picture of all the needs and services? Who sees that things get coordinated? GPs are in the best position to do this but they are either too busy or don’t have the case management skills.

As a big result, we have crises and tragedies. The some 40,000 U.S. deaths due to hospital errors is one result. Silver bullet, specialist treatments often fail because no one sees the whole picture. We humans are biological, social and spiritual beings and one dimension cannot be understood without the rest.

This whole scene has got so bad, so inefficient and so tragic, that someone has to take charge. Guess who? Right. We families have to become our own case managers. Someone must have our whole picture. We now have the know-how from the internet. In a half hour, we can learn more about our condition that our GP could ever get time to study.

So, medicine of our future must become a partnership between family and doctor, or psychiatrist, or counselor or pastor. We are in charge of our lives. We need to politely take charge and learn how to help our helpers become a partner without losing their own professional status.

Let's hear your thoughts on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2008-12-04T16:31:00.002-05:00

FAMILY ENEMY NUMBER ONE

Family solidarity is our greatest treasure. It nurtures children’s well-being. It provides security for its members. It is our most reliable source of caring. It is with us when we are dying.

Fragmentation is the enemy of family solidarity. Inside and outside forces create splits. Relationships get shattered. Children become victims of neglect, abuse and addictions. All sorts of neurotic patterns get imbedded.

There are some clear community forces that promote family fragmentation. Here we list some in the interest of identifying “Family Enemy Number One”:

Phony Beliefs: We are offered an endless list of fixes for every possible life problem. Many of these have a money motive. Some are innocent. Others promote selfish and negative thinking. Few have stood the test of time. The number of choices is bewildering. Those without a firm belief easily become victims.

Debt: We have banks, financing schemes, reverse mortgages, etc. which makes us slaves to the dollar. Debt splits families by putting money first and sending members out on individual jobs. Debt distracts parents from their primary job of child nurturing.

Media: The right word for media is “Extreme”. The news, the entertainment and the ads keep pushing the extreme boundaries. In our fast age, their purpose is to get attention. Their impact is to sully our values giving us a coarse way of life. Children are helpless in the face of media information and glitz.

Rights: It is popular to support some “rights” efforts. This happens with enthusiasm without attention to the cost. Rights have to do with law. Laws mainly apply to individuals. However, when one individual’s rights are increased others are diminished. Among men, women, children and seniors in a family, when one gains new rights it is at the expense of the others and the family. For some strange reason the family is not seen as a legal entity and there are few family rights efforts. Who has a family view of rights?

Our purpose here is to ferret out “Family Enemy Number One”. In the process we get a clearer view of the powerful forces putting families on the ropes.

Tell us who you think is “Family Enemy Number One” in our endless battle to meet THE FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2008-11-20T13:38:00.000-05:00

2008-11-07T15:57:00.000-05:00

FAMILY - THE MISSING LINK

We are working hard to get ahead but are often falling further behind. We drive in faster cars and don’t have time. We can’t keep up with the new technology or the new drugs. We are surrounded by big problems of crime, addictions and garbage.

Our society can’t solve the big problems of terror, school shootings, HIV and death on the roads. Abortion, mercy killing, gay lifestyle and the ozone layer are unsolved challenges. We are using too much power, cutting down too many trees and using up too much water. We are living longer but can’t care for the elderly.

The magic of science is our big hope to live longer, better and healthier. Yet we all are going into big debt to pass on to our children. Darwin wrote “The Origin of Species” but with all the science advances, we still don’t have the answer to the secrets of life.

We are living in an age of spiritual upheaval. The older religions are consumed by political, financial and interracial issues. Instead of clear guides to living, we have ugly competing theories. None seem able to demonstrate the good life.

Enough already! How can the family handle all this? How can an individual handle all this? The answer is that the solo person cannot. It’s too much; the forces are too big and powerful. The individual cannot survive on his/her own.

But, biology has the big clue. It knows that a body is made up of cells. When cells work right, the body works right. When the body works right, it can use its God-given gifts to live well.

Those old religions had the right theory - The universe is designed so that bodies can exist and live together. That theory says we need to be together in belief and action. The trouble with the old religions is that they have lost sight of their unique secret. Togetherness is everything.

So, the family is the missing link. Its big secret is togetherness. When a family has that, its members have the support that they need to live well in this challenging modern world.

2008-10-18T20:41:00.000-04:00

DOES OUR FAMILY WORK HARD?

Some find it hard to believe that work is as satisfying as most other good things in life. But experience says “nothing comes easy” - career, hobby, relationships and health. Everyone wants happiness - it comes either like magic or by hard work. You can’t buy it, it is the byproduct of doing something right.

If we want a nice home, that means a lot of work. If I want a good job, that means work. If I want to play an instrument, that means work. If I want a good friend, that means work.

The big misunderstanding is that the work is at least half the fun. In other words, work has a bad name. Maybe work is really a good word.

The good from work is huge. We use our minds and bodies and learn that discipline leads to success. Nothing comes easy. Few satisfactions match the sense of accomplishment when we get it right. When that happens, we have something that stays with us, no matter what. Once I learn to play the guitar, I can always go back to it. My accomplishments become part of my self-image for life.

There are a number of big misuses of work. The most usual is making work an addiction. In this case work becomes an escape from life. It crowds out many other important things. This happens for some because they are afraid to be still and think. They probably are carrying past problems that bring them shame or fear - so it’s easier to shut them out with work. That’s what some do using high volume music or noise.

The other main work mistake is “working to retirement”. This is getting to be old fashioned partly because retirement is now less available. Still, too many look on work as the necessary evil to get where they really want to be. The thought is “If I work hard and save, then I can stop work and enjoy myself”. That hardly ever happens. What does happen is a person stops work and looks around hoping to find the fun.

It is said we humans are “goal-seeking beings”. We all want something. This says we don’t get anywhere without a goal and an effort. This also says that the wise person learns that the “getting there” usually can be as good as the result.

2008-10-02T08:01:00.001-04:00

THE FAMILY IN A TECH WORLD

Want to know something? Now we go to the internet. Does this mean that the internet knows all we need? Does it know as much as God? Does it mean that the internet knows better than our own family? This is going to be one of our biggest questions.

What does our family know that the internet doesn’t? That’s an even better question. Let’s see:

The internet doesn’t know me, my parents, brothers and sisters and all our other family members. So the internet knows lots about families in general but not my family specifically. Even as the internet collects all sorts of financial, educational, medical information about us - it still doesn’t know about us.

As Google digs deeper and deeper, sounds like we need to get clearer and clearer how we are special and unique - something Google can never know.

Google knows our illnesses but not our healthy attitudes.

Google knows our money but not our priorities.

Google knows our religion but not our beliefs.

Google knows our family stats but not our closeness.

Google knows our education but not our special talents.

Google knows all about our house but not our home.

Google knows our cars but not our energy conservation.

Google knows all our stuff but not our environmental interests.

Google knows our work but not our community contributions.

Google knows our taxes and donations but not our generosity.

While Google knows practically everything about everything, IT doesn’t know us and our family.

So, while we make good use of Google, we should not let Google distract us from what really makes our family:

Family attitudes, Priorities, Beliefs, Closeness, Talents, Home, Contributions, Interests, Generosity, Caring for Community and the Environment.

This is our FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2008-09-15T09:23:00.004-04:00

CAN FAMILIES MAKE DECISIONS?

Mostly, families are terrible at making decisions. Some try the big boss approach. Some use sweetness to control. Some make big discussions that go no where. Others make decisions that split the family into camps.

Why are decisions so tough? The main reason is that there are too many different ideas how decisions should get made, such as:

The leader decides.
Everything must have a full consensus vote.
Each person knows what is best for him/herself.
We do things the way our parents always did.

These views forget one big thing - the family is one - a living body. In that body are individual members with individual gifts and needs. To be a family requires honouring both the family unit and each member.

How do we do that and still get daily decisions on time and in time?

The answer is fairly simple. The family discusses the question, listens to the view of each, and then finds a way that works for all.

What is the payoff from this approach?

The whole family has decided together.
All were there and had their say.
All know how and why the decision was made.
Therefore, all have committed themselves to doing it.
It saves time spent in misunderstandings and disagreements.

Why is this not happening in most families?

Our parents haven’t the experience.
Our schools, churches and clubs don’t get it.
Our businesses and governments promote individual decisions.
We are all afraid to really trust our family.

It is going to take time before we realize that we are one first. We become great persons out of the oneness of the family. As Bill Bryson says, after his massive study of all world sciences, “We are One”.

Our families have many challenges they must meet over the course of their lives, and making decisions as a family has to be one of the greatest. How does your family meet this FAMILY CHALLENGE?

2008-09-03T09:16:00.001-04:00

DOES OUR FAMILY LOOK INSIDE OR OUT?

There is a family that works hard, sees that kids do their best in school, keeps the house, car and themselves neat and clean. They are a tightly knit family, doing things together and keeping out of trouble.

There is another family that looks a bit weird. They, their children, house, car and yard never look neat or really clean. The house is noisy, untidy and dusty. The phone and the internet are on all the time. Nobody seems to have time for meals or social events. Each seems too busy at something.

The main business of this family is somewhere else. They are out volunteering, cleaning some creek or road, writing letters to the editor and asking neighbors to help at the local youth drop-in center.

For the first family, home is the center of life. It is safe and clean and everybody is working to keep it that way. For the other family the focus is somewhere else - the community or the world.

The first sees the family as the nest where folks are safe and each knows where he/she belongs. The second, home is like a military base camp, from which members’ spring into action.

The second family understands that families depend on the community for their resources and support. In their view, it is vital that the family makes its best contribution to the community. They see the first family as isolated and bordering on selfishness.

It is easy to see how each could have problems. The first could get ingrown, self centered and isolated from the community. The second could be doing so much good those family members get lost in the shuffle and neglected.

Obviously, both are right and each can be very wrong. So the right balance comes down to vision - how does the family see itself. Are they taking time to consider where they are going or are they so busy they are aimless?

This means that those that take family life seriously have a strategic job before they get themselves lost in their busyness.

Is your family looking out or in? Let’s hear from you on this FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2008-08-21T07:18:00.004-04:00

IS OUR FAMILY HAPPY?

Most people most of the time are not happy, that however doesn’t mean most are depressed. It does means that there is a lot of living between happiness and depression.

When we start a day we are hopeful, maybe optimistic but also a bit concerned. So each family member starts the day somewhere between happiness and depression. Family happiness depends upon how each individual is feeling. That would seem to lower the odds for family happiness today.

All this is good or bad depending on how much importance we place on happiness. There is a good chance that happiness has been oversold as a life goal - which means there’s something greater. There is. There is satisfaction, joy, love, accomplishment, positive attitude, health, optimism and so on.

So what happened to happiness? It didn’t disappear; it just found its place. That place is as a by-product of the many good things in life. It is the icing on the cake which comes from baking a good cake in the first place.

When we want our family happy, all this means is that it can’t be bought in a bottle or a tube or a magic formula. Happiness is a gift that comes, not a goal that can be achieved.

Is our family happy? There is a good chance if the family:

Shares together
Works together
Plays together
Helps others together
Prays together Grows together

Happiness is like most family benefits - is a gift which comes and goes like magic - always surprising and always wonderful.

2008-08-01T10:57:00.000-04:00

IS OUR FAMILY LEARNING?

We and our families are pretty confused about learning and education. We assume that children learn in school. But there, they can learn as many wrong things as right things. Some children who are academically gifted learn well in school and go on to higher education regardless. That is not the case for most of us.

Two big things we too easily forget. First, most important childhood learning occurs at home - good and bad. So, parents can’t assume that their children can get educated in the school systems. Second, we forget that most learning happens through experience. We forget that most of the lesson material from school is forgotten as soon as we get out the door.

It is a wonder that work has lost its appeal for learning. There, we learn from our successes and mistakes. Work gives lots of opportunity for learning under good supervision. Schools can never replicate these learning opportunities.

Besides, the school systems have developed their own serious mistakes. Bigness has required standardized learning when learning can only be individual and then social. Bigness has created educator clubs that demand high pay, security and all the fringe benefits.

Worst of all, our high paid educators have turned control of their classes over to the kids. Parents threaten lawsuits to get their way with schools. Kids use that trick. Using threats of fights or litigation, the kids have taken control of schools so that we end up with some weird juvenile culture.

It is sad that families have allowed teen rebellion to take on astronomic proportions. It is true that teens need space to try their wings. Like birds however, they still need the strong nest nearby. Parents, like teachers, have given in to the teen tantrums and in the process have lost control. No wonder schools are now drug riddled and open for gun warfare.

If learning and education have got this bad, the correction can only come from the families. Nobody else has the power or the guts to turn our loose, juvenile culture into a work oriented learning process.

Let’s hear your thoughts on this FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2008-07-17T09:41:00.000-04:00

DOES OUR FAMILY TALK?

Some folks talk too much; others talk too little. Some are always serious; others love small talk. Some are worth listening to; others are not. What do we do with all this in our family?

The poets and authors praise good conversation. They claim it is our greatest gift. So what makes conversation good? Small talk is essential because it can keep things interesting and light hearted. It needs to be balanced, however, with talk that carries more important messages. Information on the weather is usually helpful but talks need to turn at times to more personal things. Talk without guts is flimsy and without influence. The weather can’t compete with the pain of a big speeding ticket.

Good talk is as much about emotions as about words. Most of us are not good at sharing emotions in constructive ways. The art of dialogue is not just listening but also watching and wondering. The way a person talks says as much as the words.

So the skill of dialogue starts with a focus on the other person. The response needs to fit what is seen and heard. Only then can I share what’s on my mind. Until then, I can say a lot but I will likely not be heard. At this point we no longer have dialogue we have monologue.

Families have their own talk patterns. Some members talk more than others. Usually in the family there is someone who listens, that’s the person who can help the family talk helpfully. The person who listens can support and encourage the talker so he/she doesn’t need to keep going. The listener can also draw out from the talk a good point someone made but no one heard. Families need as many listeners as they can get.

In family dialogue, there is an important place for the person who can sum things up. After long conversation, it is easy to lose sight of what is worth remembering. Usually it is the role of a parent or other adult to put the lid on things. Sometimes a teenager sees things more clearly than anyone else.

Probably the poets and authors are right – good talk is the best there is for families.

So put the question to yourself and your family – Does my family talk?

2008-07-03T08:53:00.001-04:00

WHO COMES FIRST: ME OR MY FAMILY?

For most of us this is a silly question. If I put myself second to the family I turn into a non-person. I lose my identity and self-worth. I become a wimp following whatever the family says. I have a mind of my own. I have talents and I will do what I think is best guided by my own conscience.

On the other hand:

Let’s suppose that my family is a team - meaning we all decide together what is best for the family and what is best for each member. In this case, there is no boss telling me what I must do. Instead there are family members sharing their views as I explain what I think is best for me.

The family has a lot to offer. There is its culture, beliefs and experiences. There are people who want the best for me as well as the family. They have the advantage of a less biased view of what is best for me. In other words, I will hear ideas I would not have considered otherwise.

This team process is what has taken the business world a century to learn. For the company to be well off, it requires a team who will put company welfare first before individual wants. True, not all businesses are honest and scrupulous. Still, the big lesson is that with teamwork everybody wins.

If the business example is suspect, then try the spiritual example. The great religions, at least in theory, say that we find ourselves and our purpose through the fellowship as believers. They even claim that God Himself supports such team efforts.

So, the big question still is: Who is more important, Me or My Family?

If we have trouble with both business and spiritual references, then we can try science. Bill Bryson in his book “A Short History of Nearly Everything” demonstrates that in the entire universe there is no living thing that can exist solo. In biology and astronomy, the relationships in the body are the only things that are alive. In other words, in all the universe life is only to be found in groups of relationships. Ditto the family. In the universe solo is death - so too in our world and with our family.

So ask yourself the big question - who comes first, me or my family?

2008-06-04T14:04:00.004-04:00

DOES OUR FAMILY MATTER?

Most families are related by blood, some by affection, some by purpose and some by activity. Whichever, it is the bonds that count. The family is where we belong - and everybody belongs somewhere.

The much bigger question today is “How much does the family matter?”

Here are some big reasons the family matters:

A child needs a family to be born and raised.
It takes parents at least 20 years before a child can leave home.
All family members need a place that is safe and supportive.
They need the money the family has.
Family life is the biggest part of education.
Personal beliefs have their origin in the family.
Who will bury you?

In the hubbub of daily living, we can lose sight of all the things that make a family great and successful. Strange that we take family life so much for granted – especially at this time, when families are being fragmented by our high speed, material world. In too many cases, children are suffering from disorders because family members are too busy and not well informed about family life.

Here are some ways that strengthen the family:

A family needs to get a vision of itself - why it’s vital.
The vision needs to be big enough: body, mind and spirit.
A family grows when all family members grow together.
Grandparents need a big part - they’ve already done it once.
Parents should be team leaders - bosses are unnecessary.
Families need to eat together, play together and pray together.

Here are good and quick resources for family life:

www.FamilyCybermall.org
www.Eye-on-the-Family.blogspot.org
www.NewHopeCoveants.org

Does your family have a vision of itself? Let’s hear from you by clicking on the comment button found below.

2008-05-08T09:20:00.005-04:00

IS OUR FAMILY SPIRITUAL?

Despite great world-wide confusion, the family spiritual issue is quite simple:

What’s it all about? That’s the question.

With all the possible different answers, each family faces the same question.

Can you imagine parents trying to raise their children without looking at that fundamental question? Yes, because it is happening. The spiritual questions are too confusing, so let’s leave it till later when we may need it.

Can you imagine turning kids loose in this mixed up world to find their own answer to the big spiritual question? Sure we can, if we forget kids look to us to see our answers so they have somewhere to start.

At the very least, kids need to know the spiritual choices. Parents need to know and share what the big religions say about our choices. There are four big ones:

Do I want to become better?

What do I believe – God? Fate? Luck? Prayer? Goodness?

Do I have a spiritual home or group? (Can’t get there alone)

Am I here to help others?

The many millions who have followed one of the great religions have learned that spirituality requires answers to all of these big choices.

So, is my family spiritual? The answer is “Yes”, if the members are actively helping each other with the four big spiritual questions.

Have a comment to add for this FAMILY CHALLENGE? Click on the "comment" button found below and let's hear from you!

2008-04-16T09:32:00.002-04:00

IS OUR FAMILY FAIR?

Our families have a tough time with this question because our society is confused and hung up about rights and freedoms. This huge confusion comes from several sources:

- Governments love to give rights to gain votes. Most of what they give we already have

- Lawyers make themselves rich bending laws in the name of personal rights

- Misguided religious, businesses and lobby groups try to sell freedom as the ultimate good

The only freedom that families need worry about is that inner freedom that doesn’t come from laws, lawyers or do-gooders. The great religions and the great disciplines know that inner freedom is the only one that counts.

So what are the big lessons families need:

1. We are born free to make our big choices

2. Freedom to be ourselves is found first in the family

3. There are no society’s “freedoms” that are safe

4. Inner freedom is a matter of spiritual choice

The juvenile cry of our day is “It’s not fair”. Translated this means “I want my own way.” Too many are living in self imposed misery believing their way is the right way.

The wise family response is: “Your way doesn’t come before the family way.” We each need a check on our primitive impulses. That lesson is one of the best gifts parents can give to their children.

Give us your thoughts on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the comment button found below.

2008-04-02T09:40:00.000-04:00

DOES OUR FAMILY CARE?

Car salesmen tell us they care. So do our governments, businesses and advertisers. Caring is fashionable and fuzzy.

Gut caring is another matter. It is hard and it is tough. It means we take the focus off ourselves and put it on someone else. It means we take the trouble to understand someone else so that we find a way to show we care - in their perspective and in their world.

No wonder someone invented the phrase “Tough Love”.

Caring is primarily family business. Caring starts when parents have a new infant whose first need is caring. We know the power of caring when we see the terrible disorders in children who have missed it. Caring is the first requirement for parenthood and the foundation of the family.

Caring is so tough that most of us find alternatives to the real stuff. We try busyness, bossiness, noisiness, nosiness, possessiveness and so on. We create these neurotic patterns to avoid the demands of caring - patience, openness, humility and risk.

The family is our best place to let folks help us with our favorite neurotic pattern. It is also the safest place to be vulnerable. In most other places, we put on the “right” face to fit in. These places are usually deficient in caring for reasons of safety. Churches, businesses, schools, clubs and hangouts, each have their own culture. Caring is usually too powerful for these cultures to handle.

Today’s challenge is that these outside cultures have great influence as the family struggles to keep itself together. It is going to take brave new efforts by families to nurture and protect the one ingredient in life that we all need but which seems to be in such short supply.

What’s your view on this FAMILY CHALLENGE, tell us by clicking on the “comment” button found below.

2008-03-20T12:28:00.015-04:00

ARE WE GETTERS OR GIVERS?

Here is the regular menu of what our family gets:

Cars.......................Roads.....................Police

House.....................Water.....................Fuel

Power.....................Mail.......................Garbage

TV.........................Radio.....................Internet

Holidays..................Sports....................Games

Shows.....................Newspapers.............Bikes

Health Care...............Drugs....................Emergency

Dental.....................Libraries................Swimming

Food.......................Clothing.................Shoes

Furniture..................Insurance..............Charge Cards

Schools....................Counseling.............Training

Armies.....................Mounties...............Alarms

Churches..................Clubs....................Classes

Etc.........................Etc.......................Etc.

We not only have all these, we expect to have them all the time. So our Family is a “getter” - big time.

Does our family ever think how we get all this? When we pay taxes and when we buy something we feel we are paying for it - but are we?

Does our family ever think of itself as a member of the community - getting and giving?

If we did, we would realize that you can’t buy good service. That only comes from someone wanting to help. We would also realize that most of these services rely on volunteer help somehow. So there are helpers out in our community helping. Does our family see this and does it do it?

The sad fact is that there are folks who think they have a right to get. It is also sad that too many families take all their goodies for granted. But then, there are families who see themselves as community supporters doing what they can to help.

Is our community showing signs that the “getters” outnumber the “givers”? That is when communities fail. That is when families and individuals suffer - Big time.

Tell us if you think your family is a “getter” or a “giver” in this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the comment button found below.

2008-03-05T07:15:00.004-05:00

IS OUR FAMILY HONEST?

There are big lies and little lies. Big lies are what some governments and businesses do. Families have to worry about little lies.

Little lies work against trust. Without trust, relationships suffer. When relationships suffer the family starts falling apart.

The trouble with little lies is that they lead to more lies - it’s like a virus. In the family with this virus, nobody can feel safe. The whole security of the family is at stake - the members are on edge with each other. They end up feeling alone. If this condition becomes chronic, family members develop all sorts of personal problems.

So, honesty is big and tough. The toughest part is the risks. Will they lead in the right or wrong direction? Will others welcome and support us? Or will our honesty lead to misunderstanding?

So, honesty is essential to family life and honesty in family life is essential to our own lives. So where do we start?

As with most family matters, the start is with the parents and other key adults. Family honesty has its origins in marital honesty. So for parents, honesty is not an option. It keeps getting tougher because marital honesty starts with one’s honesty with oneself. Here’s where it gets really tough.

Each individual, parent and adult faces the challenge to size up oneself to be able to lead a family and be a parent. Most of us need help with this - in fact, self-assessment is a risky solo task. We need the help of a friend to get the real picture.

Honesty is a bit of an art. We know folks who “speak their mind” and hurt others. We might withhold a fact that could hurt rather than help. Honesty comes down to the two little words - “Yes” and “No”. When put to the test these two words settle most big, complicated matters.

One of the great features of the family is that folk’s lives are intertwined. The big family test is: Who will be with me when I die? These deep bonds shape us. It is true that it is sometimes easier to be honest with a stranger and it is also true that honesty is tougher at home. There is great peril in being honest elsewhere when it is the honesty at home that builds the bonds that shape us.

So, family life is built on honesty which is built on honesty with oneself. This is essential in order to live in supportive family relationships with others. Honesty is essential for a family to be a family.

Give us your opinion on Family Honesty, another step forward in meeting The Family Challenge.

2008-02-05T10:28:00.000-05:00

THE FAMILY PARTNERSHIP

Do words matter? Poets say words have power. Let’s see if “partnership” has power that applies to the family.

If a family says it is a partnership, it is laying claim to a very special nature. It is saying that:

Our family comes first - even before its individual members.
In our family, everybody plays, everybody wins and each has and plays apart.
Partnership highlights relationships whose focus is bigger and better than a focus on any one man, woman, child, teen or senior.
Each person wins because he is vitally important to all.

There is a peril in partnerships. They can become lopsided when some carry the load and others have a free ride. That destroys partnerships and hurts.

So, in a sound family partnership, everybody counts, has a say and does his/her share. The members take responsibility and work together.

In partnerships, everybody is not equal. There are senior partners and junior partners. Senior partners have more responsibility. Junior partners have less say for now. However, in good partnerships, junior partners learn how to be senior partners who then in turn bring along new junior partners.

We all have had experiences with partnerships - at work or in the community. Making a partnership work at home is probably a bigger challenge with much bigger benefits for all.

Let’s hear your thoughts on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE, click on the “comment” button found below to share your thoughts.

2008-01-15T09:03:00.000-05:00

THE FAMILY BUSINESS

Not so long ago, the family business was the farm, the shop or the store. It was more than a business. It was a major family bond where members worked together. The income is what sustained the family. Money was working to preserve family cohesion.

Now business and money separates family members. Parents go to their own jobs – for most today that keeps them very busy. Children go to school where success means good jobs and money. All this are combining to fragment the family.

The old family business had a bigger job than money. There, the rules and values of life were shared in their daily relationships. Now those rules and values come more from the school and the jobs. This makes fragmentation
much more serious.

So what is the business of the family? Its job is to raise kids and provide a safe place for relationships that build character and prepare the members for a good life. That preparation includes discerning what is healthy and what is not. Today’s environment gives plenty of examples of both.

The experts in strategic planning know that when there is a complex muddle, one clear, practical goal can make a success and clear away a lot of fog. How would our daily family problems look if we were targeted on getting kids ready to be parents? If we were clear about our main purpose, our problems would look smaller and very different. In fact, we could use them as practice for parenthood.

The Family Cybermall, www.familycybermall.org, and its New Hope Covenant are designed to help families decide what their real business must be.

2008-01-02T07:10:00.000-05:00

TODAY’S FAMILY

Our family of four lives in North Durham. Mom and Dad both work. The son and daughter go to grade school. Mom struggles with depression; Dad struggles with being grumpy.

A call from the school tells them their son, age 11, is coming without his homework done. Mother finds time to talk to the school and discovers that there is a daily sheet from the school for homework. That sheet has not been arriving home.

Mom is upset by this and wants her son back on track. Grumpy Dad gives the boy a blast then retreats to his newspaper. Mother is left wondering what needs to happen at home to ensure homework gets done on time. She’s feeling stranded with not much energy.

There are some big questions here. Should the son be grounded until he’s bringing home the sheet and doing the homework? Is the school paying enough attention to this or do they just have a system? Do these folks need some professional help?

And finally, who is responsible to help this family if it can’t deal with this?

Do you know someone who has this FAMILY CHALLENGE? There are resources out there, they can be found at www.familycybermall.org. Have a look, maybe you can find some help for your family or friends there.

2007-12-13T15:37:00.000-05:00

TEENS - OUR FUTURE FAMILY

In the “good old days” we could predict our family’s future:

Where we would live and our neighbours
Our work and income level
The church and school we would attend
Our family values and beliefs

Today family life with teens is also predictable:

We will argue about time to be back, cars, homework
We will live in different cyber worlds with cell phones and internet
We will have good times together and bad times apart
We all will focus on school, grades and careers
We will worry about smoking, drugs and sex
We will argue about who’s boss

What is not predictable is what our family will be like in a few short years.
Those who are now teens will be calling the shots. They will decide:

Will we be a close or distant family?
How important will money, career and status be?
What will be the family values?
Will the family have a spiritual base?
Will the family contribute to the community?
How will the next generation be raised?

Being parents is the toughest job with the least training. If families with teens were focused on these mighty questions of the future of their family, maybe the teenage phase would have a better focus for all family members.

For views on family life, see: www.eye-on-the-family.blogspot.com
For teen views see: http://www.familycybermall.org/ - “Youth Speaks Out”

2007-11-20T16:02:00.000-05:00

WHAT’S AHEAD FOR KIDS?

There is a mountain of evidence that many kids have serious emotional and behavior disorders.

In the 70’s and 80’s government put major funding into children’s mental health centers. There are some 40 excellent such centers in Ontario - all with big waiting lists.

Over 50 years the statistics on emotional and behavior disorders in children have grown worse. Then one in ten children had such problems and 25% got the service they needed. Now one in five children have such disorders and only 25% will get the help they need. (Ontario Children’s Mental Health)

Now, there will be no new money for these children. In most cases, waiting until psychological treatment is needed is usually too late.

Governments and agencies aren’t going to provide this needed help for these children.

The only alternative is families. Most serious emotional and behavior disorders in children can be prevented or at least managed by families. They face two challenges. First they must learn a lot more about raising kids in this high risk world. Second they must work together with those in the community with the professional know-how.

Otherwise we face a new crop of child crises since there will be no new money for mental health centers.

Looking for resources to help? Have a look at www.familycybermall.org, a website that provides a list of resources for families. One more helpful step towards meeting THE FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2007-10-05T06:26:00.000-04:00

THE CYBERMALL IS COMING FOR FAMILIES

UNESCO reports the U.S. and the U.K. at the bottom of the list of child well-being among the 21 wealthiest nations, with Canada 12th. In the midst of our Western resources, we are not doing the job for our kids.

In every community we have enormous resources for families - churches, businesses, schools, governments, the media, health care and social services. We have so much, yet we don’t seem able to provide what families need. Why is this?

One big reason is that each family is unique. It is difficult for our community resources to offer a service designed for each individual family. It is also difficult for families to decide what they most need and what services are available. Families don’t even realize all the rich community resources they have.

Into this confusing picture comes the cybermall. What is it? Simply, an online source of all local and community services. It means families have a new, fast, one-stop shopping service for all their needs. It means families have at their finger tips all the available information and services they could need to do the right job for themselves and their children.

Cybermall means families now must take their job more seriously. They need to decide what’s best for their children using the right resources of the community. It is a reminder to families that they are the cornerstone of our society. The full well-being of our children depends primarily on the family. That means families now need to work together as a team as they scan the cybermall for what they most need.

The Cybermall is another tool we can use to help our children, ourselves and our families to meet THE FAMILY CHALLENGE head on! Let’s hear what you think about a one-stop shop of resources for families, click on the comment button below to voice your opinion.

2007-09-19T14:39:00.000-04:00

WHAT’S TODAY’S FAMILY ALL ABOUT?

In our fast changing world families now take different forms from traditional to “way-out”. Yet, the family is still our best bet for love, trust, basic values and security. It is also our community’s best bet for freedom and security.

Now, a family is any group that meets regularly to eat, do things, have fun and in some cases, pray. So, the big question is “What’s this family all about?”

The traditional family didn’t need to wonder about itself because family life was the pattern. Now is there a pattern or is every family on its own?

If today’s family is on its own, the next question is “Who’s setting the pattern - the family itself or the community?” Our fast paced world with its fast cars, money, technology and media seems to have the upper hand in shaping the family. In the meantime the family is being bombarded by media messages and government rules saying what the family should be doing.

So the bottom line is that families now need to take control of their own special uniqueness, roles and rules if it is to provide the loving, trusting place on which we all rely.

Let’s hear your view on The Family Challenge by clicking on the “comment” button found below this blog.

2007-09-06T13:25:00.000-04:00

THE SPIRITUALITY OF MOM AND DADS

The Barna Research Group has just released a study of 10,000 adults and their views on spirituality. The big study result is that Moms show greater interest in faith than Dads:

- Three quarters of the Moms interviewed identify “family” to be their highest priority.

- A majority of Moms agree that their faith is very important in their life.

- Dads also list “family” as first priority with much less emphasis on faith.

- Moms were distinct from fathers on 11 of 12 faith factors.

- A majority of Moms said they have been transformed by their faith but less than half the Dads said so.

All this may be a surprise to some but not to most. However, there is something more important than these differences. We all know that raising children is a tough job for two parents and even tougher for one.

The spiritual nurturing of children is in the hands of parents. The differences cited here are all the more reason Moms and Dads need to work together for the well-being of their children. If Moms show greater interest in faith, then they need to use that gift in cooperation with the gifts of Dads.

Add your thoughts to this most recent comment on THE FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the comment button found below.

2007-08-16T16:00:00.000-04:00

THE FADING POWERS OF FAMILY AND CHURCH

Time was when family, church and school worked together to nurture children and provide stability for family life. Now the family is fragmented with its members rushing off in different directions. Churches have become clubs for the shrinking faithful.

Money is a good indicator of social power. Big government, big business and big health services command huge money flows. In the meantime, families are working overtime to stay ahead of the debt load. Churches are losing membership and funding and are frantically trying to learn to do with less.

The family problem is fragmentation. The church problem mission creep - trying different things that aren’t working. If the family is losing touch with itself, its’ solution is a return to togetherness - eating, talking and playing together. If the churches are looking for a clear mission, they should find a focus on the family since the family is the primary source of faith.

The powers of both families and churches are waning because they are both spinning in their own squirrel cage that goes nowhere. Maybe they could get it right if they rediscovered that they need each other. Families, together, need to discover the spiritual dimension that is essential to family well-being. Churches need to serve the young families and individuals to bring today’s world into the church world.

This is not a casual challenge:

Where is family life without togetherness?

Where are we and our society without a spiritual dimension?

Can churches avoid a lingering death without young families and individuals?

Where is our society without family stability and lasting values?

We want to hear your point of view on THE FAMILY CHALLENGE, add your comments by clicking on the “comment” button found below.

2007-08-05T19:50:00.000-04:00

PARENTS OR PALS?

In the rush of to-day’s living, parents are concerned about quality time with the children and youth. It is a fact that infants need continuous parental attention. As children get older, even into adult life, they need attention. With older children, too much attention can be as harmful to their mental heath as too little.

There is another dimension to parenting that is not getting the attention it requires. We’ll call it “Care Management”. Professionals use the phrase “Case Management” meaning ongoing oversight of the right combination of experiences a person needs. In our human services, “Case Management” is the big scarcity. In families, “Care Management” is often the big scarcity.

The well-being of the child comes from the total combination of his experiences - at home, school, the community, the church, the club and on his own. What he learns comes from whomever he spends “quality time” - and how much time.

This “care management”’ job of parents matches the importance of the family togetherness time. Only the parents have the responsibility of being an advocate for their children. If the child or youth is spending too much or too little time with friends, with himself, with his studies - all are the business of parents.

The “Care Management” task can now be much better done in our new world of e-mails, cell phones and e-records. Parents can forget; kids can make excuses but an e-trail is quick and sure. Some kids need little scrutiny; with other kids, it can make the whole difference to their personal and academic progress.

Parenting is the world’s toughest job to some degree because we all have to learn the hard way. Some humorist said “Have three kids and throw away the first two”. More attention to “Care Management” can make the job easier.

Let’s hear from you on “Care Management” as part of THE FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the comment button found below.

2007-07-16T09:09:00.000-04:00

OUR FAMILY MONEY MADNESS

The modern, Western family balance sheet short changes children, the wage earn(s) and the seniors.

The wage earner(s) short change themselves by their lifestyle of the latest home, cars, toys and big holidays. The cost of this drives the wage earner(s) on high speed commutes to fast paced jobs with long hours. The costs of the mortgage, taxes and energy are chronic concerns and sources of distraction from family life.

This leaves children short changed by lack of parent attention. The substitutes are special school and day care plus electronic gadgets to keep them occupied. When they develop emotional and social problems, the parent(s) go for medical solutions, usually in pill form.

The seniors are short changed because they are put out to pasture. The energetic ones get hobbies; the others get depressed, busy at silly things and get sick. This is driving up the cost of health care which the wage earners pay for in higher taxes.

The banishment of the seniors is a particularly dumb strategy. Here are folks with a wealth of life and children rearing experiences being told they are not needed in the family decisions and the care of children. This banishment is costly because it negates the worth of seniors and requires other households with all their expenses.

This is dumb because the wage earner(s) hasn’t graduated from adolescence. Dependent children learn to be independent in teenage. They are supposed to graduate to interdependence - with the savvy to lead family teamwork. So they are still trying to prove their independent worth instead of ensuring the worth of the children and the seniors. Since this has been going on for some time, our streets are not safe from a growing crop of maladjusted young people.

No wonder the recent UNICEF study finding that national financial well-being is at the cost of child well-being.

Please add your comments to this most recent FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the comment button found below.

2007-07-02T07:50:00.000-04:00

DAD’S DAY IS COMING - PART II

In Part I we saw the decline of Dad’s role in the family. Here we look at the special gifts fathers bring to their children.

A local primary school principal says children don’t know what to do at recess. They look vacant or can become very competitive. They just don’t know how to play.

The UTNE Reader points to research that kids learn to play mainly from Dads. In roughhousing, they learn to have fun and also how far they can go. Dads help kids learn controls. According to UTNE, fathers’ style of play has particular significance for children.

An even more surprising research result has to do with empathy. We usually associate children’s experience of empathy with mothers and grandmothers. A 26-year longitudinal study showed this: “The single most important childhood factor in developing empathy is paternal involvement in child care”.

So, if child well-being is our prime concern, the rushing Dads must slow down for the kids. Separated and divorced parents need to worry less about their own rights and make sure the kids have good “Dad Time”.

The job of parenting is too big for two parents. For one parent it is barely manageable at a high cost to the parent. Those children must have trusted, male, intimate contact if they are to enjoy any sense of maturity.

Let’s hear from you on this and other topics on THE FAMILY CHALLENGE by simply clicking on the comment button found below this blog.

2007-06-25T11:31:00.000-04:00

DAD’S DAY IS COMING - PART I

In the good old days, Dad was seen as leader at home, work, school and church. Actually that never was because “the little woman” made sure things went well.

Now things are different. It is the century of the woman. Women go to work, they are the announcers for the media and even are CEO’s of big corporations. All this is good provided it is not at the cost of the family well-being.

Since Bumbstead men have been more portrayed as bumbling or macho; women are now portrayed as equal in ability. This is where families can suffer from the shifts.

Since Bumbstead the statistics have become alarming. Violent crime has soared – 600% as has single mom families – out of wedlock births is reaching 40%. Teen suicides have tripled.

Professor Stephen Green’s study shows children excel in school when Dads participate in their education.

David Popence of UTNE claims 50% of U.S. children go to sleep each evening without being able to say good-night to their Dads.

In Dad’s Day is Coming Part II, we look at two essential contributions Dads make in family life.

Another part of THE FAMILY CHALLENGE, let's hear from you!

2007-06-04T10:06:00.000-04:00

WELLNESS AND OUR FAMILY

Steve, the guy who invented AOL now sees that wellness is a big market. This is because companies can’t keep up with spiraling health care costs. But wellness is bigger than this.
We all want and need it.

Getting wellness seems simple - eat right, exercise, be with the right people, enjoy what we do and pray. The problem is that we start with a New Year’s resolution on one but it doesn’t last.

Sickness is also a problem. With one condition, there’s usually a pill. However with two or more conditions, sickness feeds on itself. We then spend all our time trying to get well again. Most of us will die from complications.

So, who cares if we are well beside ourselves? Usually only our family. They can help us stick to our wellness routines if they decide to.

So the big "SO" is - for us to enjoy wellness we need our family working for wellness. Our best chance for wellness is our family that is into wellness and encouraging each one.

So wellness is a great family job where everybody wins and enjoys it. Tell us about how your family is meeting this FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the "comment" button found below this blog.